Friday, February 28

Maiores que a Distancia

I lie awake
I've gone to ground
I'm watching porn
In my hotel dressing gown
Now I dream of you
But I still believe
There's only enough for one in this
Lonely hotel suite

The journey's long
and it feels so bad
I'm thinking back to the last day we had.
Old moon fades into the new
Soon I know I'll be back with you
I'm nearly with you
I'm nearly with you

When I'm weak I draw strength from you
And when you're lost I know how to change your mood
And when I'm down you breathe life over me
Even though we're miles apart we are each other's destiny

On a clear day
I'll fly home to you
I'm bending time getting back to you
Old moon fades into the new
Soon I know I'll be back with you
I'm nearly with you
I'm nearly with you

When I'm weak I draw strength from you
And when you're lost I know how to change your mood
And when I'm down you breathe life over me
Even though we're miles apart we are each other's destiny

When I'm weak I draw strength from you
And when you're lost I know how to change your mood
And when I'm down you breathe life over me
Even though we're miles apart we are each other's destiny

I'll fly, I'll fly home
I'll fly home and I'll fly home

...- Zero 7, "Destiny"



Monday, February 24

Actually Spoken During the Course of My Evening

"Most scholars theorize that 'Green Eggs and Ham' is an expansive allegory detailing the author's depression over the lack of quality food service on public transportation (boats, trains, cars, goats, bikes, etc.). In a larger sense though, it speaks to the crippling existential angst in that exists in all of us over the dilemnas we face daily. In fact, I believe it was Jean-Paul Sartre that once said... "

er.. actually I just think Sam I Am is coming on to the guy.

...with ham, no less.


Friday, February 21

Thursday, February 20

Unintentional Cheshire

I'm not sure what surprises me more - the times that I'm invisible

    ...or the times when I'm not.


Tuesday, February 18

Fish don't fry in the kitchen, Beans don't burn on the grill

It just occured to me that the only thing I had to eat all day yesterday was a pixie stik. Overtime at work, the flu running through my veins, things on my mind... but I mean, damn

    A Pixie Stik ...for dinner.


Monday, February 17

Bandages

These bandages cover more than scrapes, cuts and bruises from regrets and mistakes. I've been hoping and moping around the street again. I've been tripping from sipping the dripping dirty water tap. I've been poking a voodoo doll that you do not know I made. These bandages are anonymity. I've been shaking from making an awful decision. I've been running and running, feels like my head is spinning round and round and round around around around! Bandages on my legs and my arms from you - Bandages Bandages Bandages. Up and down on my legs my arms from you - Bandages Bandages Bandages. I've been hoping and moping around the street again. I've been tripping from sipping the dripping dirty water tap. I've been poking a voodoo doll that you do not know I made for you - of you - let's see what needles do. I've been shaking from making an awful decision. I've been thinking I'm drinking too many drinks all by myself. I've been running and running, feels like my head is spinning round and round and round around around around! Bandages on my legs and my arms from you - Bandages Bandages Bandages. Up and down on my legs my arms from you - Bandages Bandages Bandages.

    Don't worry now, don't worry now
    ... don't worry cuz it's all under control.
    Don't worry now, don't worry now
    ... don't worry cuz it's all under control.
    Don't worry now, don't worry now
    ... don't worry cuz it's all under control.
    Don't worry now, don't worry now
    ... don't worry cuz it will all turn around.


Thursday, February 13

The Creeping Crud

That's what she used to call it.

It's that soggy, death-like feeling that creeps up from your throat and punches a hole somewhere in your sinus cavity that you simply cannot plug. Everything you eat tastes like it's been dipped in fiberglass resin, and you're secretly sure that the air conditioner vent above your head that's been pouring ice-cold freon down your back all day is somehow following you around wherever you go.

But instead of going there, she'd just smile and say it was "the crud."

She used to call me "The Luft of Her Life," too. I don't really think she ever meant anything by it, (although sometimes it's nice to wonder). All the same, I never really had the chance to tell her how much that could make me smile.

Something she was always trying to tell me. Something about finding a different way to look at the world.

Last time I talked to her, she was doing really well. She'd found someone who made her really happy, someone who wanted nothing more than to give her everything she always wanted. It was good to see her like that, especially after some of the rough times she'd been through.

So go ahead, ask me how I'm doing.

    I've got the crud.


Tuesday, February 11

Sexy Insomniac Circus Music

I keep my Tom Waits albums in the back of my collection; like some secret I want hidden, but can't put too far out of reach. I can't always stay with Tom. I'm not always able to take my troubles to him. I'm deathly afraid of drinking with his voice floating in the background air.

     Tom doesn't listen.
     Tom doesn't get it.
     Tom doesn't care.


        Tom's not much of a good friend at all, really.

But he's always in the same place when I go there, and there is a form of... comfort in that knowledge -- although I'm not sure I could explain it clearly if I was asked to.

I need to write. I want to write. But I feel so... frozen, lately.

     I still make people laugh. I still care. I still love.

But it all seems so hard sometimes, like a stuck piano key. The one that takes force to play, the one that feels old, and out of place. Usually hiding in the upper or lower registers, it looks just like all the other ivories, but when you reach out to touch, it pushes back. If you lean muscle to it, it will tone - but the sound that you get is harsh, overstruck, and somehow not like the music that came before. But you can't help but focus on that note. Pressing the key over and over, hoping to loosen it. Hoping to get the tone you want to hear, even though the note is the same every time.

To find beauty in a single note is a special thing, especially when that note can seem harsh, out of place, and ugly when held to up to seraphic lights. But sometimes you're able to see in the dark. Sometimes you're able to find beauty in what little light filters through fogged windows on a cold morning in this supposed winterless wonderland.

    I'm here.
    I'm still here.
    I haven't gone anywhere.

       I'm just... hanging with Tom right now, is all.


Friday, February 7

Actually Spoken During the Course of My Day

    Bring her to me, but I want her ALIVE!


Wednesday, February 5

I Wish I Hadn't Mentioned Dinah

And here poor Alice began to cry again, for she felt very lonely and low-spirited. In a little while, however, she again heard a little pattering of footsteps in the distance, and she looked up eagerly, half hoping that the Mouse had changed his mind, and was coming back to finish his story...

    Still she haunts me Phantomwise
    Alice moving under skies
    Never seen by waking eyes.
    - Lewis Carroll


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