The Friday Hot Sheet

Good news isn't always good for everyone. Too many times in this world it seems like you're winning something and then you find out that you only get to keep half of it. That everything that tastes really good is in fact, really really bad for you. That your favorite band is getting back together and touring, but they're only playing stadiums in certain cities and the tickets cost more than your electric bill.

These little catches seem to abound these days, where everyone wants to be pissed off about the economy, but no one wants to stop buying flat screen TVs.
It's sort of like Facebook.
When I first signed up not knowing what to really expect, I was pleasantly surprised to see that just about everybody I ever went to school with is on there. And then after a few days it dawned upon me that everybody I ever went to school with is on there. Although I'm branching out beyond my school ties to see what else might be on that particular social networking site, there was this odd sort of thing that happened right after sending/getting the flurry of initial friend requests -- I began to feel really old. Everyone's names are hyphenated, and we're all kinda grown up now.

I guess that's the difference. Everyone on Myspace works hard to act like they're 15 (except the 15 year-olds, of course), whether it be in their page design, choice of music, or ever-expanding library of self-portraits. Facebook seems to be more like a cop with a flashlight in your eyes asking you to please remove your sunglasses so he can see what your eyes look like.

As such, the profile pic I threw up there (the one I always tend to use) looks horrifically out of place. You kind of scroll through peoples friends listings on their page and it's like "there's so and so with their kids, and here's whatshisface with his headset telephone getting caught in a candid moment between client calls, and then over here..
Wow, who's the douchebag with the guitar and the doorag?
You know what -- screw you people. I may only be a Squidbilly, but I don't need no instructions to know how to rock. Ya'll better watch your asses or I'm gonna post up an animated gif of some Looney Tunes character in full hip-hop gear that says "Bitch Princess" and sparkles when you roll your mouse over it. Then I'll send you all a quiz where I demand you answer trivia questions to determine which character from Twilight you most resemble.

So before the entire graduating class of '90 blocks me -- here are this weeks risers and fallers, and the buzz as it looks from here.
Mint.comIf you're like me and you live in a world where there's really no such thing as a "good financial surprise," then you might be interested in this site, where you can access, track, and trend all of your financial data in one place. And when I say all, I mean ALL of it. If it's got a website to log into, Mint.com can track it. The catch (there always is one) is that as it analyzes your data, it will periodically "suggest" credit card deals from the banks that fund the thing, but there's no obligation to buy -- so it's a fairly workable compromise. I suck with money management, so tools like this are a godsend. If you're looking for a better way to keep an eye on your budgets, I honestly can't recommend this one enough.
 
J-MetalSay what you want about the Germans, the Swedes, or those two dudes who always sat in the back of your high school class scribbling band logos on their textbooks -- for my money there are few cultures who love their Heavy Metal more than the Japanese. For me it all started back in the 80's with bands like EZO and Loudness, who tried to translate huge success in their homeland to American record sales and ended up sort of being written off as novelty acts. It's unfortunate, because Loudness especially was an incredible band -- featuring one of the best guitarists of that era, Akira Takasaki. Since then, most Japanese metal groups have preferred to stick to their own shores. In fact, without the advent of YouTube I probably wouldn't know anything about this new crop at all. Of course, much like my love for j-pop bands like Shonen Knife, The Brilliant Green, and L'arc en Ciel -- my taste for it comes in unexpected waves. This week I can't seem to get enough Sex Machineguns, Animetal, or Galneryus -- but it will probably wear off pretty soon. Good as it is, there's no way to ignore the kitsch factor in bands that do an above-average job of looking like Judas Priest and sounding like Iron Maiden -- and as much as I love it, the joke never tends to last long enough. Of course when you discover that the vast majority of Animetal's discography is made up of heavy metal-ized versions of theme songs from various animated kids shows (and I'm not talking about highly respected artistic shows -- these guys do a cover of the theme from Digimon, for crying out loud), that means there's an extra comedic value to be cashed in -- but it seems a waste for a guitar player good as Syu to spend his days trying to figure out the best way to rock out the Sailor Moon song.
 
Slow
Drivers
I live pretty close to the office I work at -- which not only saves me on gas prices but also means I have a fairly quick commute. The problem is that to get from my place to the office -- I need to take J. Turner Butler Boulevard, which is an expressway that connects the beaches to I95. It also features some of Jacksonville's worst traffic. It's not that it's a bad road, it's just that everybody uses it -- so even if you just need to be on it for a few miles you can easily get snarled up. It's nowhere near as bad as things in LA or Atlanta can get, but it's not a good place to get stuck when you need to be somewhere by 8 am. Which is why I was ultra-excited to find this little backroad that runs essentially parallel to JTB. Even better, there's literally nothing on it but a few apartment complexes they're still in the process of building. It's literally like 10 miles of undeveloped land with 4-lanes going right through the middle of it. Which to me says one thing -- Autobahn. It's one of the few places in town where you can still really open up the throttle, and I take full advantage. But apparently I'm the only one, because whenever there are other cars on this stretch, they all seem to be locked into a 30-mile an hour clip. I know it's not the safest thing in the world, but I love driving fast -- and ever since the State Troopers started camping out on 9A there's just not that many places to really do it anymore. You'd think everyone would be excited by the prospect of wide open blacktop -- but clearly that's not the case. And because there's nothing more dangerous than whizzing around people who drive really slow, I'm finding myself having to reign in the RPM's as well. Wake up people -- you can go faster on this road. I won't tell!
 
Size Tags
on the
Outsides
of Shirts
One of the first things I did when I found out the name of my kid's little league team was zip out to the closest sports store and pick up a t-shirt with the Dodgers logo on it so I could show support without paying league prices for one of those shirts that says "Bobby's Dad" on the back. The Dodgers are fairly popular (even down here) so it wasn't hard to find, but what I couldn't seem to dig up was anything that didn't have one of these on it. What exactly is the purpose of this mess? Is it to say, "Hey everyone -- this Dodgers fan is fat!" I mean honestly, I can't see even how someone could take pride in wearing one of these if instead it said the size was "S." They don't dare do this for women's clothes -- could you even imagine someone trying to put size tags on separates from Lane Bryant? The girls who shop there would burn the place to the ground.
 
Boner
Party
The problem with Drunkenstepfather.com is that the guy who runs it is a pig. The problem with What Would Tyler Durden Do? is that I honestly don't give a crap what Britney Spears does on a daily basis. But I still enjoy looking at pretty girls, and I like sites that have a good sense of humor about such things -- which is why I've been loving the hell out of Boner Party lately. It's odd, because despite the fact that they're everywhere these days, I don't usually like tumblr sites -- but the funny thing I've come to realize is that the one or two exceptions to that rule are all sites that are all essentially written by the same person. The only downside to the thing is that the dude who runs Boner Party is sort of a Zooey Deschanel guy. What I mean by that is that in terms of guys ogling celebrity women, there seem to be two distinct schools. Those who think women like Zooey Deschanel and Jennifer Connelly are the hottest things going -- and the rest of us who can't understand what the hell they're looking at. I admit I have fairly exotic tastes, but I've never really gotten the whole Jennifer Connelly thing. She's cute and all, but doesn't anyone remember what a raging, selfish bitch she was in Labyrinth? Besides, how could anyone grow up having a celebrity crush on someone like that when you had a perfectly good Gina Gershon running around? That's the test, btw. If you want to get a handle on a guy's pig factor really fast, throw Gina Gershon's name at him. If he gets a wistful dirty look in his eyes -- he's one of us. If he asks who she is, he's probably one of those Zooey Deschanel weirdoes that helped turn the Heidi Montag's of the world into sex symbols. These are the same people who are dying to see Rumer Willis naked, which I can't really understand at all. They're also frequently colorblind, which in my mind is just insane when you consider not only all the fine women of color out there, but the sheer amount of international hotties this planet has to offer. And yet, almost like the odd camaraderie sports fans of even opposing teams can find -- I find myself more often than not appreciating the women featured on each new post of this site. Even if it is in sort of a piggish way.
 
Duke             What the hell, Duke? Why do I even friggin bother? You know I hate your ass, but you also know damn well that I respect your history and can't deny the success your basketball team -- which is why I feature you in my brackets year in and year out to make at least the Sweet Sixteen. But then you go out there and take a fucking nap while Villa-goddamn-Nova walks all over you? You understand now that I've got to put up with a whole new year of my former brother-in-law talking shit because my pool leading brackets just took a nose-dive to the cellar because you can't be bothered to play defense when it matters. And then you're all smug about it, like it was just a bad bounce or a fluke play that beat you. Hello!? A 23-point beat-down isn't a bad bounce. Man you Dookies piss me off. What's worse, you do it every fucking year! In the words of my man Slaus -- Dis is Some Bool Shyt, and I've had enough.

(Slightly NSFW)

[Listening to:  Killing Joke - "Europe" ]

Comments

whatigotsofar said…
Dude, Facebook was ruined the day adults, real adults joined up. Who do they think they are using the internet? The internet is for two things and two things only: 1) stealing other peoples ideas; and 2) amateur porn so disgusting, nobody would ever pay to see it.
Werdna said…
Duke sucks! This rocks:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A0ZvixVyTlI

The intro is nuts.... I swear they also have an explode button.

J-rock as much fun as regular rock but with a little appealing quirk. It looks like, you'll be big in Japan. Speaking of that if they had size tags out side your shirt in Japan you'd have a coronary.

At least the Dodger aren't your local teams bitter rival...
Satorical said…
That Duke vid is hilarious. Props to Loudness, aka The Japanese Queensryche.

As for Mint.com, I tried it about six months ago, and couldn't get half my accounts to work with it. Maybe I should try again, but I don't think it can deal with closed accounts that still have a balance.
Heff said…
Everyone that I CHOSE to hang around in highschool, I still keep up with. Facebook just opened me up to all the OTHER people that I gave not one shit about.

Deleted my account in one week.
Anonymous said…
I kinda have the same feeling about Facebook. While it has enabled me to reconnect with some long lost buddies, they are all married with kids and.... here I am. I feel like I should paint a big "L" on my forehead.

Clothing with sizes on the OUTSIDE? Oh fuck no. Tht might just be the thing that makes me anorexic.....
*M*
Monster said…
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Monster said…
Zooey Deschanel, Jennifer Connelley, and Gina Gershon are all on my pinky list.

I either just pwned your reasoning or I'm the exception that proves your oogling rule.

Now I'm thinking about Zooey Deschanel, Jennifer Connelley, and Gina Gershon. Only the "and" is in italics.
Hex said…
WIGSF -- Old people tend to cluster. We move slow, so it's hard to get us off a site once we get in there, you know?

Werdna -- My fave Loudness song, right there.

Satorical -- hadn't thought of that wrinkle. Still, it's a cool site.

Heff -- There's always the Bar and Grill, right?

M -- It's almost like the internet is trying to tell us something, you know?

Monster -- I stand by my Jennifer Connely confusion, but I'm all for a guy who piles his plate high.

Are you pondering what I'm pondering, Pinky List?
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