Textin' me a 100 times, callin' me a 100 times..
[Listening to: American Head Charge - "Walk Away" ]
Squirrel-gate is officially done.Last night when I got home from the club, the little guy was once again in the middle of my living room floor. It's just this time he was curled up in a little ball, not doing so well. I got a shoebox, lined it with an old sweater, and put him in there.
Thankfully my son was is spending the weekend with his mother and didn't have to see any of it, but that didn't make me feel like any less of a Christmastime jerk.By morning it was over.
..Little fucker still got the last laugh, didn't he?
Think of them sort of like Disturbed -- just a lot less heavy, and without all the shouting or dissatisfaction with the government in their lyrics.But not much else.
And yet, when one of their songs gets into my system, it tends to stay there for a while. Like this one, that's found it's way into heavy rotation once again lately. Makes for really great driving music when you want to get out the road and sing along at the top of your lungs.It's simply faster for me to shell out the $0.99 and cut to the chase.
So, you know -- don't say I never did nothin' for ya.Anyways, here's Ra, with Fallen Angels.
So just how serious is this squirrel thing getting?Today I had a little extra time, so I went home for lunch. When I walked in the door I noticed a little orange business card on my kitchen counter. Apparently the pest control guys had come by sometime earlier this morning to check on the bait traps they'd set out.
And after they left, the squirrel came out of his hiding place..and pooped on it.
Seriously, what kind of crazy fucked-up Secret of Nimh type bullshit have I stumbled into here?
So yeah.. he's still here.I'm starting to get the feeling my landlords are getting a kick out of this. That once I step out of their offices after explaining yet again that "There's a squirrel in my apartment" they just look at each other for a few seconds before erupting into a snicker-filled fit of laughter at my expense.
And it's not just that he's in the place. It's that he's like right in my face about it -- literally. The other morning I woke up on the couch to find him sniffing at my outstretched hand.But day in and day out, he's still there.
Leave it to me to get the Hova of the squirrel set.We'll see how smart you are when the K9 come..
The groove was solid, the voice was unique -- what's not to love?Being a fairly strict metal-head at the time, my exposure to hip hop as an overall scene was largely limited. The best way for me to probably illustrate this to you was that I was still at a point where I thought hip hop and rap were essentially the same thing. You can call it a cultural divide if you want (and I'm sure that played some part in my naiveté) but really, it was more about lack of exposure to the genre than anything else.
One of the things that I really liked about "Gin and Juice" was the fact that here was a song literally about smoking weed, having sex, and getting drunk written in such a way that you knew exactly what was going on, but none of the words had been changed or cut up to soften the blow. The MTV version I had grown to enjoy was the perfect mix of clever wordplay and implied vulgarity.Never was this lack of understanding more apparent than when I made the decision to finally pick up Snoop's debut disc Doggystyle, so that I could listen to "Gin and Juice" whenever I wanted, instead of just waiting for it to come on the radio.
Have you ever had one of those moments where you think you know something, where you feel like you're right on the pulse of what's happening, only to have it come crashing down around you like a house of cards?I even thought myself hip beyond belief for having a pretty good idea of what Indo was...Then I played the album track.
Lets just say it was not a proud moment in white-boy history.It's funny, because I actually worked at a Radio Station at the time this was happening. Add to that the fact that I was a huge fan of several prog-rock groups who performed 10-minute songs laced with profane lyrics and objectionable references, I was well acquainted with the idea of what a Radio Edit was, and how it could easily change the entire mood and effect of a given song just by taking out a few choice words or cutting out an extended musical break.
Of course when you get right down to it -- Saget made a boatload of money being America's most non-threatening honky, enough that he really doesn't have to care what people think of his real act, or need to placate them in order to continue being a success.
Similarly, Snoop Dog's mass appeal is only really a minor reflection of what his albums and live performances actually bring. It's certainly not a new game -- people like Richard Pryor, George Carlin, and Red Foxx had to dance around censors for years as they battled through the twin worlds of their popular media image and their real performing selves to reach audiences.Simply put, the reason he is able to be his own depraved, profane self largely because
of how good he was at being the guy you could bring home to mother for so many years.
Think for a second about how good Middle America seemed to feel about adoring American Idol runner up Adam Lambert -- only to find out that instead of that lovable Will and Grace/Clay Aiken kind of homosexual that everyone seems to enjoy hearing the humor and fashion sense of -- he was that "other kind of gay" that actually likes to have sex with other men.So much so that when artists seeking mass appeal don't play the game, they quickly
find themselves on the wrong side of the public opinion they're trying so hard to win over.
Which is probably why they decided to make a video for it.Except that they decided to make this video, which might be one of the lamest things I've ever seen.
Now before we move on, I have a couple of points I'd like to make about the clip itself:Anyways, I know there's probably a few of you out there who are thinking, "Hey it's just a dumb music video, who cares?" -- and to an extent you're probably right. Lamb of God is an established and popular metal band with legions of rabid fans. When you get right down to it, they don't really need a hit music video.
- Three Strippers!? That's the best you guys could come up with? The casting agency for the video found half a dozen soccer mom types to be horrified by your antics, but you could only convince three of your skanks to go on camera for you? That's embarrassing, son. Go back and try it again.
- If you're like me, and found yourself wondering why the lead guitarists hands seemed to be flailing all over the place during his closeups in the "live concert" part of the clip, it's because (for some untold reason) he's not keeping his thumb on the back of the guitar neck, which is really sort of weird.
- Even in a video as bad and as cliche as this one, a clown getting punched in the face is always funny.
And yet they've created a video with jokes that wouldn't really cut the mustard on a throwaway episode of Two and a Half Men.It's not like the whole "Metal Band shows up in suburbia and terrifies your parents" is a new idea -- Twisted Sister made an entire career of videos like this back in the 80's. But you'd sorta think Lamb of God of all people would jump at an opportunity to promote themselves as hard partying degenerates who are out to turn your normal bright and happy world upside down, but instead they're just sorta goofy Lenny and Squiggy level malcontents who eat all your snacks and stand in front of the screen door while decent people are trying to get outside to refill the punchbowl.
But it got me to thinking about this whole idea of artists playing parts of their images up or down in order to appeal to certain audiences. From Lady Gaga's crazy costumes and "shocking" production numbers to Taylor Swift's unending efforts to look like the most innocent and non-threatening White Girl ever to sing songs about being a princess who is sooooo in love with the guy who helped her look for her lost puppy and then they shook hands and parted ways amicably -- there's always some sort of hustle going on to try and make sure people associate bands and singers with certain ideas and social scenes. But I can't be the only one who was pulled in by a groups image or sound making me think they were something only to have them turn around and be the complete opposite.Watch out Parents -- Lamb of God is coming to to corrupt your kids and hit you in
the face with a pie. The Devil himself fears their joy buzzers and whoopee cushions!Seriously, Lemmy Wept.
So the real question is, have you ever had this happen to you?And if so -- who was responsible?
Only you can do these things.
A few days later, in the middle of the night -- the drums stopped.The tribal villagers started freaking out, running around, screaming in holy terror. The anthropologist found the tribesman he'd asked about the drums prostrating himself on the ground, shrieking entreaties to the heavens for deliverance.
The tribesman looked up at the anthropologist, his skin pale with fear, his eyes huge and watering.."THE DRUMS HAVE STOPPED!!! OH GOD, WHAT HAPPENS NOW?!" the anthropologist screamed.