Where Are You From?

So the other day I was driving home from work, when I came across a prime example of what life in my city is really like:
There were three or four of us moving down our side of a two-lane residential road. The leader of our unofficial pack as driving an oversized black pickup truck with an overabundance of aftermarket chrome and one of those tribal tattoo-looking window stickers in the shape of an 8-point buck, tailed by a white windowless van (natch), followed by my red Mustang (which, whether I like to admit it or not -- is tres Freakville).

Anyways, we're all heading towards an intersection when the line unexpectedly slowed down after the black pickup's brakelights lit up. Once it came to a full stop -- the door opened and a man got out.
Tall, short sleeved button-up shirt with khaki slacks, some sort of
crew cut hairstyle and a freshly lit cigarette hanging out of his mouth.
At first it was unclear why he stopped. But as he walked towards the middle of the street I caught sight of a small shape in the road, which turned out to be some sort of turtle.

Can't be really sure what type it was exactly, but knowing this area it was probably a Gopher Tortoise -- which, like so many of his cute but perpetually roadkilled brethren decided that crossing a busy street filled with cars is a totally logical idea.

If you've never lived in the South and don't really know what it's like -- this is a perfect example of the attitudes you'll see a lot of around here. Here's a guy in a quintessential hunters whip, taking extra time out of his day to help out a helpless animal at risk -- a scene that on the surface might seem like a contradiction, but actually fits completely with the hunter as naturalist mindset that's so prevalent in this part of the country.

Of course there's the South and then there's Jacksonville -- a distinction I was abruptly reminded of when the Good Samaritan with the crew cut finally caught up to the turtle in the road,
Where he proceeded to kick it over to the safety of the other side of the road with one shot.

[Listening to:  Beastie Boys - "Professor Booty" ]


Narm said…
Damn, up here in the north I swerve at every groundhog I see.
Heff said…
Lol. What an act of kindness !
Bef said…

here in Ohio...well where I use to work we had ignant Geese...these fuckers ruled the parking lot...and dared you to get in their way....

it was nothing for them to get on the hood of your car...chase you down the sidewalk...cuss you out...spit on you....

and we could not run them over cause the office sat on a state park or some shit....

I got a kick out of watching them...they were gangsta
Van said…
All I can picture is the turtle exploding on contact with the ground on the other side of the road with a sickening thud- turtle viscera everywhere.

I wasn't raised here but I've been in Jacksonville for about a decade. I still don't get the attitude of post locals. Nope, cannot begin to wrap my head around it after all this time. Beautiful post illustrating Jax.

(Didn't know what a redneck was when I first moved here. Thought it was some kind of gang that painted their necks red)
Anitra said…
and with that, the glimmer of hope for this town has been shat upon :)
Werdna said…
If anybody asks me what things are like there again, I'm sending them to this post.

The only thing it misses out on communicating is some of the southern gothic oddity that is around. But that is a little less prevalent in Jax than the south in general.
Non Oblitus said…
the "tribal" dear is actually the corporate logo for Browning


Maker of hunting firearms and bows.
Anonymous said…
love that pic of Raphael
Werdna said…
@non oblitus:

It ain't the champagne of automatic weapons (H&K) but it will do for a 9mm or a shotgun.

Everything I need to know about weapons, I learned in video games.
Hex said…
Narm -- swerve at? or swerve away from whenever you see one?

Heff -- He was ..sorta helping.

Bef -- We get those here too. Bunch of honking, overagressive Geese stalking the parking lot looking for people to give them parts of their lunches. They do not play.

Van -- Exploding turtles? Methinks you've played too much Nintendo somewhere along the line, lol.

Anitra -- There are still cool people here, it's just hard to see us with all the turtle kickers around.

Werdna -- Home sweet home, eh?

Non Oblitus -- Really? I had no idea. I see those stickers all over town, I just thought it was some sort of trend, like the kid from Calvin and Hobbes peeing on Jeff Gordon's racing number or all the "Salt Life" and "Ain't Skeered" logos plastered on the car windows.
Non Oblitus
WIGSF -- Heros in a halfshell, Turtle power!

Werdna II (@Non Oblitus) -- The champagne of automatic weapons!?

All right you primitive screwheads, listen up. See this? This is my BOOMSTICK! -- It's a twelve gauge double barreled Remington, S-Mart's top-of-the-line. You can find this in the sporting goods department. That's right, this sweet baby was made in Grand Rapids Michigan. Retails for about $109.95. It's got a walnut stock, cobalt blue steel and a hair trigger. That's right. Shop Smart. Shop S-Mart -- YOU GOT THAT!?
Anonymous said…
I'm from Jacksonville, too, and I must admit that I often confuse the buck window sticker with the Dave Matthews Band "Firedancer" sticker, which is just silly, really, because this IS Jacksonville. No DMB stickers here.

Happy to have found you - there is not a close network of Jax bloggers!!