Pardon me while I get my celebrity crush on, but word has gotten out that Padma Lakshmi's three-year marriage to Salmon Rushdie is splitsville, and the "Top Chef" co-host is officially on the market.Now before you start scoffing -- this isn't just another one of my passing celeb-crush fancies. This isn't like that thing I had for Aisha Tyler, my secret desire to make the truck noise with Debra Wilson, or those three or four weeks I was dead set on stealing fellow Slipknot fan Jada Pinkett Smith away from her gazillionaire husband once I found out that she and the former drummer from Fishbone put together a death metal band that played Ozzfest.
No no my brother, this is the kind of thing that approaches Naomi Campbell/Ornella Muti /certain Aikono Kojite goddess worshipper crush status.
And I don't want to hear how I don't have a pepper
monkey's shot in hell at her -- because I have a plan.
See Padma, I understand. I know what it's like. You're looking for something completely different than what you were dealing with before. So name the night. My place. An amuses-bouche of lime-flavored Tostitos and store brand salsa awaits you. Then it's on to the main course -- Hamburger Helper with crushed potato chips on top, served with a snifter of Berry Blue Kool Aid. If you want desert, I think I have some fortune cookies left over from the last time I ordered Chinese -- but I can't promise anything.
Outside of that, feel free to kick off your shoes, relax, and have a good time. We'll hang out in the rope light's glow and see what develops. Who knows -- if things work out we might even have a second date, and I'll get them to shut down a KFC just for us (cuz it's romantical, kid).And no, you can't use the red bowl - so quit asking already.
So come on Padma,All you gotta do is say yes.
[Listening to: Bloodsimple - "Sell Me Out" ]
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