Tiny Tiny Microphone

I come the closest to the actual price of the diamond necklace without going over. Then I get up there and it's Plinko -- which of course I rock. Spin the wheel, 45 cents -- spin the wheel again, really wing it so it goes around and around and lands on 53.

Boom I'm in

We're at the podiums. It's me and some housewife. She won a car. I got some furniture. When I told the guy backstage I didn't really want it he handed me a form. If I fill it out I get the cash equivalent minus taxes. The dinette set I can have all of. The cash gets dipped into by the man.

I take the money.

The music starts up, the doors slide open, and the crowd goes nuts.

Showcase One

* Fix broken armrest/power window control panel in my car door
* Pay off car insurance for next six months
* Pay off gym membership contract
* Better apartment with working appliances for close to the same price
* Start a Savings Account
* Clear ridiculous tax debt
* Clear ridiculous debt debt
* New couch to replace cat shredded old one

"Player one, you have the most winnings -- do you want to bid or do you want to pass?"

Housewife passes it to me.

Bob walks over to me and smiles. Then he says "Take your time -- but you have to write something down before the music stops playing. Think hard now, these are some really nice prizes." I think about it for a second. Try to do the math, but the numbers are all gibberish.

Finally I get to a point where I can think. I toss it all over for a second and scribble a figure onto the card.

Showcase Two

* An iPod made by Apple (instead of the one I have that was probably made by Snapple)
* Line 6 POD XT Live Guitar Multi Effects Pedal
* New Surfboard
* Condo at the beach
* Ducati 1098
* This T-Shirt
* Multi-year contract with respected national literary agent
* Multi-year contract with nymphomaniac personal trainer

The housewife forces a smile. Apparently Ducatis aren't her thing. Bob (being the pro he is) notices, and is quick to remind her that should she make a winning bid on her showcase that is $250 or less below the price of that showcase she will win both showcases.

She bids.
Commercial.
He checks her card.

It's miles over, almost like she chose a ridiculous number on purpose.

The camera turns to me. The crowd is silent. Bob's got a smile that tells me he's seen this scenario play itself out a million times before, and that I shouldn't worry because everythings gonna be fine.

He pulls the card and reads the number.

[Listening to:   Iggy Pop – "Candy" ]