Honestly, who would get this for their kid? What kind of a-hole parent wraps this up for Christmas and then says "Here beloved son or daughter -- I thought you might enjoy seeing what a day in hell is like." Yeah, lets all gather round the living room and play another thrilling round of everyones favorite game -- Watch the Clock.
I mean seriously, do you want your kids to know how to do this, or even to pretend to be excited about these kinds of things while they're still young enough to have dreams and ambitions of doing the kinds of things with their lives that are truly worth imagining?"Hey kids, -- it's Pretend and Play Office Space, the game the whole family doesn't really want to play, but kinda got stuck in for the last 15 years while their dreams of being an astronaut, rock star, or princess slowly went down the tubes."
Lets just imagine for a second what "playing" with this toy would be like:
As you can see, the kit comes complete with desk accessories like a stapler, a calculator, and a toy fountain pen. There's also a calendar, a laptop computer, and pretend business cards. Everything your child needs to get completely swamped under with paperwork and meetings that keep them from ever really getting ahead of the game enough to earn that one promotion that they're always getting passed over for. But don't fret, there's still the simple joys of that pretend coffee mug and fake donut that they were nice enough to put in there for the kid to wolf down between the ringing of the toy cell phone telling them about their next big deadline.
The cutest part is when your child pretends to have a coronary after finding out about the surprise fourth-quarter layoffs.
The kit even comes with an adorable little glass ceiling for all the little girls out there (Notice the cute framed photo of the blonde who I guess is supposed to be your "wife?") Don't worry though, it totally compliments the pretend necktie, glasses, and men's wristwatch that's included to ensure that you comply with the playtime dress code (except for Fridays, where it's pretend business casual -- complete with wacky hat day coming up next month, and be sure to bring a covered dish for the after-hours team building potluck!)"What's that honey? Cynthia's piano recital!? -- Oh shit, that was tonight?"
But worst of all are the toy paychecks they put in there for your child to shake their head at and sigh. Come on -- everyone loves it when we play the first and the fifteenth, because that's when the FICA-fairy shows up!
I could just see sitting there with my son. First we'd set up all the stuff, then sit there behind the computer playing solitare until he looks up at me and says "So, what do we do now?" and I'd sip my fake coffee and say, "Hopefully nothing -- unless the boss walks by."Look kids, it's Captain pre-tax HMO contribution, and he's brought along his buddies
Dental and Vision -- you know, the ones that only play with you 20% of the time?
Look, office work is not something I want my kid thinking about, even if it's just pretend. There's so much more he could dream of, so much more potential for him to realize. Even if I have a better office job now compared to any of the other corporate gigs I've had in the past -- there's no escaping the fact that it's still a soul-sucking exercise that I would give up in a heartbeat if any of the things I really wanted to do with my life came along.
Besides, what's the most fun you can have with something like this anyways -- Blogging in Outlook so that it looks like you're typing something official?
Oh crap, I'm playing it already!
[Listening to: Dangerdoom – "Doomsday" ]
Comments