Social Graces Lesson #1 - How to get Ketchup

You like ketchup. You think it's good. You can't help it everyone else thinks it's gauche to put tomato sauce on a steak... that's just the way you're wired. However, there are certain situations (romantic dinners, important business lunches, morning after breakfasts) where it may be advisable to avoid the shame that comes from people looking at you like you're a complete hillbilly just for requesting a bottle out loud.

And don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about -- You know you've been there, watching someone lining up a bottle of Heinz over their plate in the morning, and the only thought that keeps repeating in your head over and over is:

     "Ketchup on eggs? What the hell's wrong with you?!"

It's a little known fact that the word "catsup" was invented solely for the purpose of avoiding these awkward social moments. This clever verbal subterfuge has enabled tomato sauce nut jobs just like you to secure their favorite condiment without fear of social persecution or reprisal. Over the years though, many of us have caught on to this little trick.

So, just HOW are you supposed go about getting ketchup in an upscale restaurant without drawing attention to yourself?