All You Gotta Do is Say...

It's been one of those days, you know?

Rain-fogged windows, scattered daydreams, aimless websurfing. So many things just over my horizons, so much just on the edge of happening. Hoping for the light to break through my own clouds.

Within a week there will be no turning back, and I will finally know what I've gotten myself into.

     Am I ready?
     ...Will I ever be?

These are the days when I want to cover my arms in the tattoos I always said I was gonna get. These are the days when I want secret desires fulfilled, forbidden questions answered. Sell everything, buy everything. Dye it blonde, paint it black, kiss the frog, turn the key..

Part of me wants to run. Part of me wants to fly. Part of me just wants to be someone else across the way, watching myself as I silently go through the motions of fearing all these things I'm really not afraid of, but instead just don't know for sure.

But for now I just sit here, lazily downloading my shifting moods.

     Floetry
     Killswitch Engage
     Dionne Farris
     Ahmad Jamal
     GBH
     Chingy...

It's like throwing a net into the water and hoping to pull back a fully cooked entree.

Beside me I discover a mug that I'm pretty sure I poured for myself - long gone cold.

       I don't really need new music
       -- but right now the worst
       thing I can think of is
       the same old, same old

              ....silence.