Nothing is ever what you expect it to be. Forecasts for rain become sweltering heat, and the things that seem to be right in front of you don't always look the same when you finally decide to open your eyes.
I suppose the problem is this false sense of safety that comes from the expected. This idea that things are all happening the way that you thought they would, that you're somehow in control or at least able to forsee the adaptations you need to make as you go along.
I think that's in part why even as I covet these changes, even if I do want the unexpected -- I still find myself relieved in the mornings when that door is exactly where I left it the night before, you know?
And yet there are so many different doors with so many different shapes. It's what makes life exciting. It's just that it's been a long time since I've felt strong enough to go through them alone. What's worse, I'm not even totally sure I'm actually at that point yet.
That doesn't mean I'm not going to try, though.
Hopefully your day has been a good one so far. Hopefully it will keep going like that all through the night. If you get the chance, send me a message to let me know how it turned out.
I suppose the problem is this false sense of safety that comes from the expected. This idea that things are all happening the way that you thought they would, that you're somehow in control or at least able to forsee the adaptations you need to make as you go along.
I don't want that sense.But it's an easy trap to fall into because it's so comfortable, because it's so known. For example, if the lights were to suddenly go out and I had to find my way to the door, I would know where to step. I mean, if my portals were to move around and shift during the blackness of night, I might never get out of here -- which makes me want and perhaps actually crave that sense of knowing where things are and assuming that's how they're always going to be.
That's not why I'm here.
I mean, if I were somehow able to move the door anywhere I wanted, then it would make sense that I would be going to a totally different place every time I stepped through it. I would have a totally different directionBut at the same time.. what if this door isn't really the way out at all?
I would be a totally different me.
..Perhaps that's what's so frightening about it.
I think that's in part why even as I covet these changes, even if I do want the unexpected -- I still find myself relieved in the mornings when that door is exactly where I left it the night before, you know?
And yet there are so many different doors with so many different shapes. It's what makes life exciting. It's just that it's been a long time since I've felt strong enough to go through them alone. What's worse, I'm not even totally sure I'm actually at that point yet.
That doesn't mean I'm not going to try, though.
Hopefully your day has been a good one so far. Hopefully it will keep going like that all through the night. If you get the chance, send me a message to let me know how it turned out.
I'll read it when I get back.
[Listening to: Herbie Hancock, "Butterfly"]
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