Mustafa

I'm really convinced that the reason the world is not continually threatened by the kinds of mad scientists fiction writers live to invent is that all the brilliant minds that would normally be focused on world domination have been recruited into creating new innovations for consumer product corporations.

Today on a break I headed out to a nearby store to get a couple of things for the apartment. While I was there I picked up a pack of gum to try to fight off the coffeebreath that I find myself dealing with every morning.

What I ended up with was something called "Citrusmint"

Maybe it's because I wasn't fully prepared for the shall we say, unique taste combination that comes when you fuse peppermint with orange juice -- but all I can say is thank god for it, because otherwise the scientist that dedicated years of his life creating this little taste of hell might have otherwise kept himself busy building a death ray.

I mean think about it. You know why we never hear about someone trying to drill their way underneath Fort Knox and bankrupt our nations gold reserve to feed his own selfish whims? Because the only guy smart enough to pull it off has probably been spending his time trying to jam even more micro-thin razor blades onto one vibrating razor for Gillette.

Stone skinned bulletproof supersoldiers? -- Viagra
Flying robots that turn into cars? -- Segway
Exploding Fembots (with guns in their Jumblies) -- RealDolls
Global Thermonuclear War -- The George Foreman Grill

I mean sure - a cure for cancer sounds dandy and all, but what's that next to those little strips you can put on your nose at night to stop snoring, eh?

[Listening to: Shiny Toy Guns, "Photograph"]