Seasons change. There's not much you can do about it.
Sometimes you welcome it. Sometimes you need to break a mood, change the colors, get a little cold air into your lungs just to remember what it's like. Just to have something different to work from. Especially in the South where it's like we get the microwave dinner version of things. The weather never really gets radically different. Down here the leaves fall so quickly, there's barely any time to appreciate the colors as they go.
I like winter. I don't know if I like it so much better than summer, but I really enjoy having a little chill in the air. I wish it would snow here. That there could be that much of a change outside to somehow separate this time from the other parts of the year.
All I know is that this break from work can't come soon enough. There are so many things I need to do. So many things I want to do. I want to travel. Get away a little bit -- see my brother and his family, get back to New York, or even points west. Maybe it's because the word "family" has such a different meaning for me this year - but I don't particuarly want to be alone this holiday season.
But lately with every new thing that I discover, it's like something else seems to slip away. Like I'm trying to hold on to leaves on branches even when I know it's time for them to fall. Like I can't let go of things that have to be released. Like I don't know how to open my arms up to the things that lie ahead of me.
Some nights it's like I've got it wired. Then sometimes I feel like I don't have any idea what I'm doing. And it's frustrating to feel like I don't have enough focus for everything that I need to be doing. Like I can only attend to the most desperate thing that I've got going at any given moment, which leaves everything else vulnerable to the tides rolling in all around my feet.
Winter's here. I'm glad for the change.
Sometimes you welcome it. Sometimes you need to break a mood, change the colors, get a little cold air into your lungs just to remember what it's like. Just to have something different to work from. Especially in the South where it's like we get the microwave dinner version of things. The weather never really gets radically different. Down here the leaves fall so quickly, there's barely any time to appreciate the colors as they go.
I like winter. I don't know if I like it so much better than summer, but I really enjoy having a little chill in the air. I wish it would snow here. That there could be that much of a change outside to somehow separate this time from the other parts of the year.
Especially this year..But you make due. You get by.
All I know is that this break from work can't come soon enough. There are so many things I need to do. So many things I want to do. I want to travel. Get away a little bit -- see my brother and his family, get back to New York, or even points west. Maybe it's because the word "family" has such a different meaning for me this year - but I don't particuarly want to be alone this holiday season.
Or maybe I do.Some nights I get home and just sink into the couch, lose myself into whatevers blinking on the television screen in front of me. Still some other nights I have to get out and find crowds of people, strangers in arms. There are nights in front of computer screens, and phone calls that you hope will never end. I go back and forth on these tides.. wondering why the path isn't clear, going with whatever instinct feels the strongest at the time.
But lately with every new thing that I discover, it's like something else seems to slip away. Like I'm trying to hold on to leaves on branches even when I know it's time for them to fall. Like I can't let go of things that have to be released. Like I don't know how to open my arms up to the things that lie ahead of me.
Some nights it's like I've got it wired. Then sometimes I feel like I don't have any idea what I'm doing. And it's frustrating to feel like I don't have enough focus for everything that I need to be doing. Like I can only attend to the most desperate thing that I've got going at any given moment, which leaves everything else vulnerable to the tides rolling in all around my feet.
Winter's here. I'm glad for the change.
But sometimes I wonder if I'm ready for the cold.
Or if I even know what true cold is like at all.
[Listening to: Sam Maudlin, "The Good Stuff"]
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