So with that in mind, I present an old favorite (and occasional chat buddy from back in the day)
[Listening to: Body Count, "Cop Killer"]
Why not surrender myself to the inevitable?Through the clouds of the darkness I imagined melting waves of sand crashing against water and then slowly rolling back. I envisioned cactus inside coffecups. I felt the heat of red-heeled shoes and the sympathy for nails driven into skin as eyebrow-shaped birds that only gave the impression of movement soared in place above our heads.
Why not just fall asleep, let the muscles relax?
Because it will.Asking yourself how. Asking yourself why.
Because it always does.
I'll miss this place.But lying awake like this... lost in my own self-doubt, dancing across the floor with these whispers of desperate optimism, these frozen cracks in the ice that are just enough to still lead me to anger and frustration over the things that by now should just be let go?More than maybe I'll even allow myself to admit right now.
If it ever does.
Four days later it's raining again,Almost by reflex yesterday I picked up the faded copy of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass that I keep in the backpack. The copyright says 1971 - but it's been mine for as long as I can remember.
and I can't seem to make it stop.
Alice is like that.There are places it falls open to when you set it on a table. There are pages missing corners folded once too often. It's a home. A comfortable blanket -- even with it's flaws of pretentiousness and archetype. Who knows, maybe that's why I like it so much.
But Alice is in my bag.We see the Lucy tonight. I don't even know what to expect. Last Saturday nine miles high everything seemed clear. But now it's like the shadows are stretching. Now the weight on my shoulders grows heavier every day.
Alice stays with me.
But maybe that's what needs to happen
before I can come out on the other side..."Come back!" the Caterpillar called after her. "I've something important to say!"
This sounded promising, certainly: Alice turned and came back again.
"Keep your temper," said the Caterpillar.
"Is that all?" said Alice, swallowing down her anger as well as she could.
"No," said the Caterpillar.
Just at this moment Alice felt a very curious sensation, which puzzled her a good deal until she made out what it was: she was beginning to grow larger again. She thought at first she would get up and leave the court; but on second thoughts she decided to remain where she was as long as there was room for her.
"I wish you wouldn't squeeze so," said the Dormouse, who was sitting next to her. "I can hardly breathe."
"I can't help it," said Alice very meekly: "I'm growing."
"You've no right to grow here," said the Dormouse.
"Don't talk nonsense," said Alice more boldly:
Distance Run: 15KI did it. And not only did I finish, but I clocked in with a better time than I would have ever expected to have -- better than than anything I had done up to this point in training. The weird thing about it though is that I feel really good -- not at all on the verge of death or at the very least needing to fall into a deep, coma-like sleep anytime soon.
Overall Rank: 6926 (out of 9,269)
Gun Time: 2:04:26
Chip Time: 1:58:39
5K Split: 37:57:00
10K Split: 1:17:50
Pace per Mile: 12:44
I'm all about the afterparty, knaamsayin?
Now we talk.
Now you miss me.
Now we're friends.
... because now we know.
Before I locked up my classroom this
afternoon, I found a little message: