My Friend Goo

While the club I frequent isn't the hottest place in town, there are still a lot of reasons I love it. The main thing is that I feel comfortable there -- I've been going to Endo Exo for years, starting when it was called "The Velvet Room." I went to high school with one of the original owners, it was where bartender Christina worked forever (which made going there always fun), and the crew that works there now are probably the closest things to running buddies that I have, and they always take care of me.
That being said, they totally hung my ass out to dry last Thursday.
I walked in to find the place about a quarter full, regulars and locals embroiled in conversation, a few people watching the basketball game, and the rest off in their own world enjoying a few cocktails before going home. I sat down, ordered my drink, and gave a friendly nod to the guy sitting at the bar next to me. He smiled back, and then leaned in with an outstretched hand. I shook it heartily and asked "How you doing, buddy?"

Which was all Bill needed to hear
Because his name was Bill.
Hi, I'm Bill. Dude, I'm Bill. You and me, we're gonna be friends -- my name is Bill. You're all right, I'm Fucking Bill! That's what Bill's talking about! Hey bartender, bring another drink for my friend here and put it on Bill's tab! Excuse me a minute pal, I gotta talk to this girl -- hey baby, slow down, I'm Bill, and you're gorgeous, I know I sound totally drunk and you don't believe I'm serious, but I've never seen a woman as fine as you in my life.. I'm Bill.
Man, some bitches can't take a compliment, you know? I'm just trying to be friendly (shakes my hand), -- I'm Bill.
In between introducing himself to me fifteen thousand times and telling me that his name was Bill, I found out that Bill was in town from Chicago to take a training class for the railroad company he worked for. He had recently been promoted to management level, and had to go through (as he put it)
"Two weeks of corporate brainwashing bullshit that's trying to change what Bill's all about -- but Bill ain't having that, no fucking way. I mean, the money's great -- they're talking about paying Bill $103,000 a year"(!?) to think the way they want, but you know what Bill does when they talk to him? I just smile and nod -- and then they know I've beaten them at their own game."
Some of his classmates had wanted to go to a nearby Hooters for dinner, but
"Bill wasn't trying to hear that. Who wants to see a bunch of fine bitches who think they're better than you that you have absolutely no chance of taking home with you? Not Bill, that's for sure. I told them all -- Hey motherfuckers, lets go to a bar and find some real pussy. Not that Bill needs it, I mean -- we all need it, am I right? But I have this biker girl back home that loves me so much it makes my head spin. She's sooo beautiful and cool and Bill just got divorced but she doesn't care about all that mess and oh, hold on a sec..
Hey sweetheart, you're not just gonna walk by old Bill here without saying hello, are you? Boyfriend!? What's his problem, can't he wait a second while old Bill says hello and tells you how beautiful you are? What do you see in him anyway, always trying to tell you who you can and can't talk to -- Bill wouldn't treat you like that. All right, OK -- but when you get sick of him and his bull you know who's gonna be here waiting? That's right baby -- Bill's gonna be right here."
Man, there's a lot of stuck-up pussy in this place. I'm just trying to be nice, I don't mean no harm, you know what I mean? Of course you do -- because you know what's happening around here, don't you -- yeah, I can tell. You and me, we're gonna be buds. I'm serious, anytime you need anything, give me a call
..My name's Bill.
[Listening to: Sonic Youth, "Bull in the Heather"]