Watson Come Here iNeed You

You can always sorta tell when people tire of scandal and bad news when they decide to gloss over the kind of stories that are rampant right now (heiresses being released from jail, blockbuster summer movies getting ready to roll, roided-up wrestlers heading off the deep end and going on killing sprees) -- in order to focus on the one thing that really matters in this life:

The iPhone

I bet right about now the lawyers in the Anna Nicole Smith custody battle, the diaper-wearing-astronaut-chick, and all the stuck-in-rehab socialite/starlets in LA are kicking themselves for not being able to somehow have their scandals coincide with the release of the latest multi-function cell phone doodad to come out.

Not that the thing isn't ten shades of cool -- but just that I find it odd that this of all things is what has come to dominate the water cooler conversations taking place everywhere I go. Literally everyone is gabbing about it, with the dominant question being "So, are you excited about the new iPhone? Are you gonna rush out and go get one?"

Of course it's really more of a loaded question, because there are equal levels of conversation available regardless of the answer. Maybe that's why people seem to be gravitating towards it as a conversation topic instead of blabbing on more and more about Paris getting out of Jail or the NBA draft or that poor little girl at Six Flags who got her feet sliced off by the roller coaster.

I mean, what can you really say about those things other than

"Marsha Marsha Marsha - why does everyone feel so compelled to talk about that talentless skank?"
"Are you nuts? Phoenix wouldn't trade Amari Stoudemire to get Kobe out of LA"
"I guess they were really serious about that sign that says 'you need to be this tall to ride', eh?"

But instead what people are asking me about while I'm stirring my second cup of coffee is "Have you seen that new iPhone ad? Isn't it cool?". It's almost like a litmus test, fishing around to try to find out where you fall on the side of the technological-gadget-ownership-implies-status culture divide.

I say that because when you see these conversations you already pretty much know the people who are gonna be like "Please -- my phone does too much as it is already. All I really want is a way to make and receive calls." and the ones who are "Oh I wish -- did you see the way the web-browser turns around depending on the way you hold it?"

No doubt, the thing is pretty farking cool, but I guess I'm just the kind of person where once I realize I can't readily afford something I tend to not pay as much attention to it.

And if there's one thing I'm definitely sure of, it's that I can't afford an iPhone.

Straight up -- the top line model of the thing costs more than my rent, which doesn't even begin to address the fact that I just spent about half of my lunchbreak at my apartment digging under the couch for loose change so I can put something into my gas tank.

But beyond all that the simple fact is that I don't think that I'm really ready for this particular jelly just yet. Just taking a cursory glance at all the things the iPhone promises to deliver tells me that it's intended to be like an ultimate step up in multitasking and streamlined performance for people who have had it up to here with the limitations of their Blackberries and/or Sidekicks.

And while I may be many things -- that ain't one of them.

I got a phone a few months back that does some pretty cool tricks -- only about half of which I ever actually mess with. Anyone who knows me will tell you that I'm a complete text whore. It's the closest thing I have to a digital camera, it's set to wake me up in the mornings, and there's a demo version of Yahtzee on there that I cannot stop playing once I start.

But to be honest it's probably a good thing that my phone is more or less a piece of crap when it comes to web-browsing or video sharing. I already waste too much time goofing off during the day as it is -- and having a device in my pocket that would allow me even more access to YouTube than I already have simply can't be a good thing.

Thanks for the thought -- but I'll stick with my ..hPhone for now, thanks

I know a lot of people use their Blackberries to death for work, even to the point where they're even probably sick of the things -- but even if the iPhone can do all the things those tools can do and more, it's clearly being marketed for it's cool quotient.

And why not -- have you seen all the things you can use it for?

[Listening to:   Talking Heads – "Psycho Killer" ]