Steal The Covers, I Dare You

Dear God, are you seeing this?

I mean seriously -- what gets into people's heads sometimes? Protection from home invasion? When has that old chestnut of a theory ever really gone right? Think about yourself when you wake up suddenly from a restful sleep. Is a shotgun really the first thing you want/need access to?

Actual Uses People Might Find for a Bed-Mounted Shotgun

• Shutting off an alarm clock
• Expressing your opinions regarding Leno's monologues
• Re-writing the old Christmastime favorite Up on the Rooftop
• Livening up that one dream you sometimes have where you're Steven Seagal
• Putting an end to unwanted nocturnal flatulence issues forever.
• Two words: Zombie Attack.

Look people, Red Dawn was a fun movie, but it was a long time ago; and I don't care how much you are into hunting -- I promise you that sound you hear in the middle of the night isn't a 6-point buck foraging through your underwear drawer for food.

Get a dog already.

[Listening to:   Eric B. & Rakim – "Don't Sweat the Technique" ]