Burt Reynold's Mustache

Somewhere in the last decade or so it seems like the battle cry of Florida State University football fans like me has gone from "Whoa-Oh-Whoa-Oh-Oh" to "Whoa-Oh-Whoa-Oh What NOW?!"

So 25 football players got caught cheating on an Internet exam, leading to the majority of them being suspended or left off the roster for the teams upcoming bowl game trip.

Yes, this is wrong -- and yes, the suspensions were the right thing to do and it's only football and the team sucks this year and Bobby Bowden is essentially a lame duck coach and Tim Tebow once converted a guy to Christianity just for snoring too loud blah blah blah..

Who the hell doesn't cheat on Internet exams?
Look, this is my alma mater. This is the school that's given the world such mental giants as Deion Sanders, Bobby Sura (who I've always suspected was the real inspiration behind the show Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader?), and former WWF champion Faarooq Asad. Our athletes are great on the field, but by and large they're not always the first ones you call if you can't figure out how to program a VCR. And it's not just our players, either -- when I was at school there, it was rumored that a law student was arrested for contracting a hitman to kill a professor who's exam she was afraid would be too hard to pass.

Maybe that's not something to be proud of, but I gotta tell you -- I'm a little annoyed at the fact that 25 of these motards couldn't figure out how NOT to get caught pulling off this particular Watergate robbery.
I mean seriously, what were the test questions?
1. The Mitchell Report has just named you as a player who's taken steroids, what is your response?
a) I only did it once, then immediately realized realized God and my family wouldn't approve.
b) Those shoes were gifts!
c) What do you mean I'm not supposed to take the roofies? (a.k.a The Janikowski defense)
d) I'm totally shocked that the kid who took the test for me would stoop to that level.
Somebody wake up Bobby. This is dadgum unacceptable.

[Listening to:    Chevelle"I Get It" ]