The Friday Hot Sheet

The other night I had a dream that the storm knocked the power out, and the only thing to do was sit huddled around a candle and play board games with Aldous Huxley -- who kept saying things like "I told you so!" to the point where when he wasn't looking I pulled out my cel and text messaged my five about what a pain in the ass he was being.

I mean sure, it's one thing to question the ultimate fate of the human spirit in a world where so many of our needs, wants, and desires are given to us in an instant -- but think for a minute about what it must have been like during the latter end of the dawn of civilization where cavemen had learned to create and harness the energy of fire for cooking, warmth, and protection -- until that one night where heavy rains and high winds keep the hearth from staying lit, and all the cavemen kids are saying, "How am I supposed to see Miley's cave drawings now!?"

So before the storm washes me completely away -- here are this weeks risers and fallers, and the buzz as it looks from here.

	Tropical Storm Fay	Yeah, I'm pretty much over it. The weather bulletins, the trees in the road, the power outages. It was a little scary at first -- but just like every other year, you're just Talkin Loud and Sayin' Nothin. It was a fun couple of nights, Fay -- but all this nagging and clingy behavior is starting to make me think you're wanting this to be a lot more than we originally felt at last call the other night. -- Get to steppin'.
	Memories of my Father-in-law	First of all, where's a brother got to go to find a decent Martin clip on the web these days!? -- Regardless, the few videos I was able to find did give me pause to remember a time back when I was dating my ex-wife, and we got into a regular habit of showing up at her parents house to mooch dinner hang out in the afternoons, which usually turned into my ex arguing with her mom about something or other while her father and I did our best to tune them out while watching re-runs of The Fresh Prince, Living Single, and Martin. The old man had his doubts about me (and considering how things played out, maybe he was right..) but I'll always treasure those afternoons I got to share laughing with one of the coolest guys I ever knew, who passed away long before his time.
	Olympic Scandal Creep Factor	So what were the two biggest stories/controversies to come out of the Olympics this week? Reports that international athletes living in the Olympic village are hooking up left and right, and outrage over the Chinese girl gymnasts being underage. -- I'm not pointing fingers, but is anyone else seeing a connection they kinda wish they hadn't?
	Ernest Borgnine	Ok, what the hell is going on with Ernest Borgnine? When I was a little kid he was in literally every movie on TV. But then, like most actors from that era he sorta seemed to fade away (save for a brief voice-over gig on that Lord of the Flies episode of The Simpsons). To be honest, I sorta thought he was dead. But now suddenly he's back, promoting a new autobiography -- and dude is on happy pills or something. Am I just too young to realize that he was always this nutty -- or was Johnny Carson just lucky not to be around when the guy gives these kinds of answers to people who ask him how he manages to stay so upbeat at his age?
	George Lucas, Marketing Genius	To no one's surprise, The Clone Wars is a complete dud, but that doesn't mean people aren't still talking about it -- or more specifically calling foul over a villain named Ziro the Hutt, who many people feel projects a negative gay stereotype. Even more scandalous is the news that not only was giving the character a voice like Truman Capote's not an accident, but the brainchild of George Lucas himself -- who overruled the director's original vision. Did Lucas really think Capote's voice was sorely missing from kids cartoons these days, or is it possible that even he knew this movie was a steaming pile, and adding in a little Jar-Jar type controversy would keep it in the papers for a few more weeks?
	Miller Chill	If I was in charge, I probably would have called it Miller Affordable. It's ok, I guess.
	My Neighbor's Hurricane Party	She's a college-aged co-ed who waitresses at some local place; kinda cute, seems nice enough -- but like most college kids, her friends appear to be really pretentious douchebags who think they know everything. -- Which is probably why on the worst night of the recent tropical storm, the majority of them spent most of their time standing on the front porch smoking, drinking PBR, and talking loud enough to be heard through the door of my place. It was like Fox News Channel and High School Musical had a baby, gave it a pack of smokes -- and then told it to go stand in the rain and explain the government.
	Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer	Talented black actors and musicians have been dropping like flies during the last few weeks, but the two a-holes behind Date Movie, Epic Movie, and Disaster Movie are walking around healthy as horses. Am I the only one who sees a problem with that? -- Look, no one loves Kentucky Fried Movie and Airplaine more than me -- but those films actually had jokes in them. Until you screws can make a movie that can actually hold up for a month after it's released or has a scene as classic as this one hiding in it somewhere -- STFU.

[Listening to:  Kanye West – "Get 'em High" ]