The Friday Hot Sheet

For a guy like me, political conventions are usually about as exciting as a root canal. Drumming up the constituents is cool, but in my opinion the real fight won't get going until after all this other grandstanding is done. We'll rev our engines, you rev your engines -- everything's really loud and impressive, but until that green light goes on and you're racing side by side (read: debating), we really don't know what you're working with.

At the same time, pre-season football is the television equivalent of those times when you really need to go to the bathroom but when you get in there and sit down nothing happens. You were all excited when you showed up but then a few minutes later you're just sitting there wondering why you even bothered.

And as great as the convention looked and as cool as it is to finally see football on TV again, if the biggest decision you have to make all week is between pooping or getting your teeth drilled -- then we've still got a long way to go.

So before my fantasy football draft starts up -- here are this weeks risers and fallers, and the buzz as it looks from here.
McCain's
Female
Running
Mate
Announcement
I'm not really mister politics or anything, but that was awesome. Don't get me wrong here, I'm not much for McCain (or his party in general), but I love the way this guy fights. The timing of the announcement? The fact that no one saw it coming? This isn't the work of some old fogey with 7 houses and no idea what's going on -- That's the kind of move a guy who was locked up in a bamboo cage for 7 years pulls out. Honestly, it was like Darth Vader telling Luke Skywalker he was his father -- because now Obama, the guy that everyone thinks is so cool and balanced has to spend the next six months taking political swipes at a wife and mother. My vote hasn't changed, but I was among the many who were glad to have all the nastiness from Hillary wars finally be over, and now ol' man John has dragged us all right back in. Well played, Palpatine -- that was truly one for the ages.
 
Obama's
Speech
Even with McCain's move this morning, there's no denying the feeling you get when someone you want to believe in delivers a monologue like Barack Obama did last night. I still have my quiet questions, and he's still a politician, but there's no doubt that the man can flat-out flow, and it's hard not to get swept up in the excitement of it all.
 
The OlympicsApparently they're still going on.
 
Fantasy
Football
Is it just me, or is the hype for nerdball sorta down this year? Once the season gets going I'll probably turn right back into that same obsessive loser I always do -- but if I hadn't gotten the email alert reminding me of the draft, I might have forgotten all about it. Last year at this point I was making pre-season trades, talking trash, the whole nine yards -- but so far this year it's just been kinda meh, and I'm not really sure why.
 
Endo Exo's
New Sexy
Female
Bartender
Speaking as someone who's always had a thing for hot lady bartenders, the simple truth is that any monkey can hire a great body, put it in a low-cut blouse, and tell it to stand back there and take orders -- but that doesn't mean she can actually mix a drink. In fact, one of the worst things you can have is some cookie-cutter hottie who banks totally on her looks and doesn't know what the hell she's doing -- because then you're forced to ask yourself, "How did she get this job?" and the answer that usually jumps to mind speaks badly of all female bartenders (not to mention women in general). Luckilly, the new girl is not only a cutie, but she makes a mean caucasian as well.
 
The Sexy New
Bartender's
Douchebag
Friend
So let me get this straight -- You're the reason she got this job. Not her skills, training, or experience -- but your good word to the owner? How nice of you to say. And what's that? You're in the movie business too? You worked on The Matrix? You were part of the team that created the trailer for the Lord of the Rings? How utterly ..believable. So why, exactly -- if you have Tony Hawk and Bam Margera on speeddial (like you say you do) are you stumbling around a bar in downtown Jacksonville on a Tuesday night?
 
Kanye West's
"Good Morning"
It seems like only a few days ago I was giving Kanye props for sharing my love of Takashi Murakami's work -- which made it even cooler when I discovered the brand-new video Murakami made on for his new track, "Good Morning." Peanut butter in my chocolate? Chocolate in my peanut butter? Whatever -- the results are awesome, and have been in heavy rotation all week.
 
Knowing Your Superpowers        It always made me mad as a kid when Superman didn't open up every fight with the heat vision. If you've got something that always works, then why the heck aren't you using it? Like if I were Voltron and you were a ro-beast I would say, "Hi, are you the bad guy?" and you'd say yes and then I'd be all like "Flaming Sword!!" -- Game over, sign some autographs, go get some beer. But all these heroes in the movies hold that big gun all the way to the end, and it just drives me nuts. -- Why can't we find a superhero who knows what their strengths are, and uses them right away?

-- Technically safe for work, but not by much.

[Listening to:  Jane's Addiction"Mountain Song" ]

Comments

unMuse said…
if you can find Daily Show's tribute to Obama from last night, watch it. It's golden. I so can't wait until he does McCain.
Werdna said…
That link ain't safe for my work...

It did make me crack up though. It was terrible.
The Kaiser said…
Happily she's not too hard to take political shots at, given that she's under investigation for abuse of power which won't be sorted out before hay can be made.

As for the douchebag, aside from the question of why someone as awesomely well connected as he claims to be would be slumming around Jacksonville long enough to be able to appoint bartenders I have to wonder how he works without being in LA. I have several family members who work in the movie business, and short of industry crippling strikes they can barely get out of LA long enough for a decent vacation, much less move to random cities with no connection whatsoever to the business.
LadyShay said…
Obama has flow, that should be one of his buttons or bumper stickers:)

The Olympics are like that [Azn] American Idol reject that wouldn't go away...gotta find a video.

I hate when you feel like you gotta go and you get to the bathroom and nothing. That is some annoying shit [or lack of].

Superheroes need to be taught when they go to the special training academy - "Think long, think wrong". I always wondered that as well. Like c'mon get it over with already!, but then I guess that would make comics like a flyer and movies as long as a commercial.
Monster said…
"Endo Exo's New Sexy Female Bartender"

pic or it didn't happen
Satorical said…
Stewart also annihilated the cynical pick that Palin represents. They had Samantha Bee say that as a former Clinton supporter, she was now totally voting for McCain.

"John McCain knows that we women don't vote with the big head, but with the little hood."
Hex said…
Unmuse -- I read an interesting article the other day suggesting that John Stewart was purposely sabotaging his own credibility as a journalist because he wasn't happy people were considering him as a news source over other actual news agencies, but in a world where so much actual information is available so quickly, I think you can do a lot worse than discovering stories/issues with laughter through The Daily Show that you can then learn more about through other sources.

werdna -- can you imagine how many takes that must have needed just to ensure that the camera crew's laughter wasn't caught on tape?

Kaiser -- At this point it feels like McCain's using her as a shield. She's so polarizing and easily attacked that no one's said a bad word about his actual policies all week. I loved the dramatic way the announcement stole the thunder of the dems, but now that the smoke's cleared -- it's pretty clear it was a move loaded to backfire on them.

Lady Shay -- I wouldn't have any problem with the Hulk being a lot shorter.

Monster -- Dude, are you trying to get me killed?

Satorical -- The thing that worries me is that even though it's pretty clear to anyone with a brain that Palin was a bad move, it's still altogether possible (considering the way the dems have snatched defeat from the jaws of victory in the past) that it could still work.

I don't think it will, but it's hard not to be concerned, you know?