Things I Don't Get

I consider myself to be a fairly well-read, intelligent person. Sure I can be a little oblivious at times, and I fully admit that I don't know everything -- but I'd like to think given the chance I can be fairly insightful when supplied with an appropriate amount of information and perspective.
And yet, there are still things in this world that I simply do not get.
Events, actions, trends, and ideas that despite my best efforts simply leave me shaking my head. Who knows -- maybe I'm just getting older, or perhaps I've simply spent too much time in the Florida sun, but whatever the case -- I thought I'd offer a short list of items that have me confoozled this week (for a more complete listing of things I have no clue about, please consult any of my ex-girlfriends, who I'm sure will be more than happy to fill you in)
But until then, here's this week's list:
  • Tiger Woods -- Just exactly what does Tiger Woods think he's gonna say that's gonna help? Why is he even bothering to talk to the press in the first place? Never mind this whole "controlled press conference" with only one TV camera and a hand-selected group of reporters who aren't going to be allowed to ask questions (like that's gonna help cool the flames) how about pulling your head out of the sand and realizing we'd all moved on from your shenanigans. There's all sorts of other fuckery going on, your story is old news. Fact is, a lot of people would just like to see you play golf again. But no, lets hold a presser where you can remind everyone what they were all talking about a month ago, just in case they forgot. I'm sure that won't get remixed to death on Youtube or joked about on the late-night talk shows at all.

  • Messing with any old person on a bus -- Public transit, when properly managed and widely accepted can be a really cool thing. The towns and cities that get this understand the benefits: It cuts down on the exhaust emissions and gridlock that come when everybody has a car, and it also promotes foot traffic, which can benefit local businesses.
    But for the rest of us who don't happen live in those lucky cities -- public transit is
    understood to basically be the metal tubes where all the crazy people hang out.
    Seriously, dude -- The guy was wearing a T-shirt that read "I AM a Motherfucker." He told you repeatedly to leave him alone, and that he would mess you up (apparently when he's not riding buses, the guy is busy getting tasered at public sporting events). But did you listen? No you did not. Thus -- call the amba lamps.

  • How my Yahoo account got hacked last night -- Sooo.. how did you guys like all that spam email I sent you this morning? That certainly wasn't embarrassing or anything. Apparently some sort of worm/virus/hack got into my address book last night while I was at the club and peppered everyone I've ever known with tons of crap emails they didn't need or want. Sorry for the hassle, guys -- but I guess that Turkish furry porn site's server wasn't as secure as they advertised it to be.

  • This:
I enjoyed Avatar. I really did. It was a fun flick, and it looked amazing. But this is just taking it too far. I'm amazed some hunter hasn't bagged and tagged the whole bunch of you hopping around in the woods like that.
So, what were some of things you are having trouble understanding this week?

[Listening to:  The Ramones - "Don't Come Close" ]


Monster said…
I am 100% serious about the following statement.

I don't understand why more people don't like curling. This the baseball fan in me talking, I'm sure, but it's a lot of fun to watch.

Commence ridicule, but remember, I'm not dressing in blue makeup and a leather thong while watching curling. I'm just, you know, watching curling.
Anonymous said…
You know those blue guys hopping around the forest. If you catch six of them, you can turn them into gold.
Satorical said…
67 year-old man starts gettin' riled on the bus, you steer clear. I don't care if he's white, black or green, stay out the way.


67! Ha!
Satorical said…
I made it 1:12 into the LARP thing with no sound. So
Anonymous said…
That video with the old guy whooping dude's ass on the bus was HILARIOUS! Dude deserved it fo sho! Don't mess wit ole foggies man... just don't! hahahahaha!
polkatronixx said…
Good call on the Tiger Woods thing. You're right... we had all kind of moved on. And it's not like he could do anything to change anyone's perceptions of him. It just seemed like he was doing it because he had to or was expected to. Because that's what people do, I suppose. But I don't care how "sorry" he is. It has nothing to do with me. And I loved the whole "it's all my fault" angle. Yeah, no shit. No one has questioned who was to blame for this, really.

Besides, it's all just a bit too pathetic and whiny. You screwed around behind your wife's back. A lot. And got caught. Deal with it. And have some dignity to deal with it in private.

But, if he was going to apologise to the public for anything, it should've been for his obvious low standards. Thanks to Tiger Woods (and the media), I became almost intimately familiar with a parade of gnarly skanks that my life was arguably much better without.
JerseySjov said…
i shared that video with a few friends expecting to get some laughs. instead they were like "that would be SO FUN"

Hex said…
Monster -- They had it on at a bar I was at, and the sound was down. I wasn't able to pick up on what the situation was in the match, so for me it was just watching them slide and sweep over and over again. I would like to try it though, it looks kinda fun.

wigsf -- Get the smurf out, really?

Satorical -- the first rule of fight club that you can actually talk about is don't mess with old people on the bus.

Satorical II -- It's hard to tell if they're serious or not. But the TP'd tree of souls is truly EPIC.

blamemyrobot -- Lots of people get into fights, but I sometimes think that people rarely know how to throw real punches. It's all windmill swings and kicking. This guy has it down, and the other guy paid the price.

Adam/polkatron -- the whole thing was just unnecessary. He would have been much better off just getting back on the course, playing and winning -- and not saying anything. He's a famous athlete -- fans forgive quickly (Michael Vick basically danced back into the NFL).

Jersey -- If would be so much fun to be hiding in the woods near them with a paint gun, yes.
Heff said…
I rather enjoyed Tiger Woods State Of The Union Address. I laughed all the way through it.