The Friday Hot Sheet

There was once this pretty crappy movie where Sylvester Stallone wasted a lot of energy trying to save Rob Schneider from being killed by wearing what appeared to be Ladanian Tomlinson's football helmet. There was also a giant robot, Diane Lane, and Armand Assante doing a bad Sly imppression right to Stallone's face -- but that's not really important right now (RIP, Peter Graves).

The important thing to remember from this film was that iconic all-around awesome character actor Max Von Sydow was also involved -- playing mentor and commander to Stallone's Judge Dredd. At one point in order to save Stallone's character, Max takes what is called "The Long Walk" -- in which his character is forced to journey through the untamed badlands bringing law to the lawless, only to show up later to save Dredd from some space hillbillies or something like that and reveal the essential missing plot point right before his poignant death scene.

Long walks don't really require Stallone movies to initiate them -- but it's sorta funny to me that whenever I kinda realize I've sort of gone on one (away from this blog) that it always sort reminds me of that flick. Largely because that movie sucked so badly. Seriously, it's like -- why can't I think of Demolition Man whenever I forget to post for a few weeks? Do my hair up like Wesley Snipes' character and be all like, "Simon Says I was friggin busy at work -- give a brother a break, yo." Regardless, life sort of got in the way there (as it sometimes does), and the Dirt took a hit. Thanks to all of you who kept checking in now and then to see how things were. I'm working on getting it back to the regular.
So while I have a little free time here at the office -- here are this weeks risers and fallers, and the buzz as it looks from here..
March Madness Whenever you ask sports fans what they love about the annual NCAA men's basketball championship tournament -- one of the first things they'll tell you is that every team in the field theoretically has an equal chance to win the entire thing regardless of how high-profile their school is, how blue-chip their players might be, or what their overall record was coming into March. Cinderella stories happen every year where the little guy takes down the highly publicized favorite in a stunning upset. Year in and year out March Madness brings the drama -- and sports fans get sucked in to obsessive levels wondering just how far a bunch of no-names can get against the best players in the country on just their will alone. And yet -- ask anyone what sucks about the tournament this year and they'll all tell you the same thing: ALL OF THE GOOD TEAMS GOT BEAT BY NOBODIES! Seriously, there have been so many upsets this year that suddenly everyone has been forced to wake up and realize that the overall quality of college basketball over the past few years has gone to hell. It's one thing for a scrappy Ivy League team to sneak up on an unsuspecting mid-major, but if you watched that Syracuse/Butler debacle the other night -- what you saw was not so much David beating Goliath as it was Goliath making 12 boneheaded turnovers in the first quarter and essentially giving the game away before it got started. I'm all for competitive games and high drama, but come March Madness time what I'm not all that interested in is shitty basketball, and that's what we've been sorta treated to this time around. Clearly the best college basketball team in the nation is UCONN's women's team, who have won like 90 in a row over the past two seasons. Am I still watching the games? Yes, although now that my brackets done got blowed up (thanks for nothing, Syracuse) I don't really know why. Hopefully the final rounds will pick up the pace -- but right now it's some pretty sloppy ball out there.
 
STFU TebowSpeaking of sports, did you see that story that surfaced earlier this week about Tim Tebow at the recent NFL scouting combine? Apparently right before the administration of the Wonderlic exam (essentially an IQ test), Tebow spoke up and requested that the other players in the room bow their heads in prayer before taking the exam -- at which point one of the other players in the room shouted, "Man, shut the fuck up!"

Honestly, even if this story isn't true -- it will never stop being funny to me. Because just like everyone else, there's a point where you just don't want to hear it anymore. I believe in Tebow's right to worship whatever he wants -- but seriously, where's this crap going to end? Is he going to bless the center's ass before taking each offensive snap in a game? Look Timmy -- if there is a God and he did bestow you with all that talent, the last thing he wants you to do in return is make him look like a needy jerk. STFU and play football already.
 
Game BallMy son is starting out on his third season of Little League Baseball this month, and so far the team is unbeaten. But even better than that, Curren has been showing a real improvement not only in his skills, but in his awareness of the game. Such was the case last Thursday, where in a close game he was able to get on base three times, steal two more bases, and score the tying run in what would eventually be a victory for the team. The coach doesn't usually give out game balls, but Curren got one that night. The thing about him is that he's not really driven to win or be Mr. Baseball. He just likes being on the team and having fun -- which is cool with me, but it was thrilling to see him making the smart play all night long. Maybe it's a dad thing, but he's really growing up in a lot of ways lately -- and it's just awesome to be a part of it while it's happening.
 
Kick AssHot Tub Time Machine opens this weekend and will likely pull in huge audiences looking for some mindless laughs. It's been advertised to death, and yet I'm still jazzed to see it -- because even though I'm sure there are other comedies available, this really does seem like the first good time movie to come along in a while. I had high hopes for Repo Men to turn into some sort of cult favorite -- but by all accounts the film wasn't as interesting as it looked. Which is why I fully expect Hot Tub Time Machine to be this year's Superbad, because you pretty much know exactly what you're getting with it.

At the same time -- the movie I'm really waiting for is the next big one around the corner -- Kick-Ass. By now you've probably seen the trailer for this latest 'anyone can be a superhero' action/comedy -- but if you haven't I have two words for you to consider just in case you might be thinking it's just another teen comedy dressed up as an action film: Nicholas. Cage. That's right -- an anti-hero hyper-violent comic book come to life with Crazy Nick as a supporting cast member (read: he probably dies mid-story in some ridiculous way). Seriously, I can't friggin wait for that one to open up.
 
Stoner Bass PlayerI'm pretty sure I've mentioned this before somewhere -- but Stoner Bass Player, the guy who's sort of organizing the musicians that we've been trying to shape into a band lately works part-time as a barback at Endo Exo. This is good because that connection led directly to bar manager Ralph letting us use the club's back room as a practice space. The acoustics are great, it's a central location, we can turn up as loud as we want. If you've ever tried to get a band going you know practice space is usually hard to come by, so having a built-in cherry spot like this to jam in (free of charge) has definitely been a plus. Or at least it was before dude apparently slept through a shift last week and didn't answer his phone when the boss tried to call to wake him up. Ralph apologized to me personally over the deal -- but there really wasn't anything that he could do about it. Practice space -- gonzo.
 
Reggie WattsWhere my Gerunds at?
          
             -- Lyrics NSFW (obviously)

[Listening to:  The Exploited - "Hitler's In The Charts Again" ]

Comments

whatigotsofar said…
I was going to write something about Demolition Man being one of Stallone's three best movies (other two being Rambo and Rocky IV, duh!) but then I saw the word verification is "gynocros" and that got me thinking about what a gynocros is. I think it's a theoretical system of social hierarchy theorized by the ancient Greeks. In this gynocros, woman would be the dominant figure in the social hierarchy and man would be relegated to subservience .
I cannot think of another place where Sylvester Stallone is more needed than in a gynocros.
Satorical said…
Mr. Watts is having fun.
Bef said…
blogger was really trying to keep me from being great! I couldn't get on any blogger site last night...I was highly irritated!!!

I told the boy I wanted to see Hot tub time machine and he pretty much thought I was crazy lol

Yay for Curren!! I remember the days of baseball the boy played for 6 years...drove me crazy cause baseball is not a sport I like or know a dang thing about...but there I was in the blazing ass sun cheering my son on...his first year playing (in coach pitch) was actually pretty awesome. they went undefeated and won the little championship....
Hex said…
WIGSF -- I think the word you're looking for is "Lysistrata." That, my friend is a party town.

Demolition Man is a cobbled-together cliched mess of product placement and bad costume design, and yet everyone in the movie is having such a good time that it's hard not to fall in love with it.

Satorical -- Mr Watts treats objects like women, man.

Bef -- blogger goes up and down all the time. It makes all those times I forget to post for a while seem like a technical glitch.
JerseySjov said…
for me, little league meant playing in the parking lot with the younger sisters of the boys on my brother's team and trying to steal blowpops from the concession stand.

i've never been much for sports.