Dear Santa

Hey, how’s it going? I know there’s a long line of kids here so I don’t want to take up a lot of your time. Yeah, we can skip on the sitting on the lap part –- let’s face it, neither of us wants that to happen here, so just huddle up a bit, right? Cool.

Twenty Grand.

You heard me. 20 Gs. I hate to be so blunt and mercenary here – but I don’t really know how else to dress it up. I need 20 grand.

I’m college educated. I work full-time. But I’m sinking. Every month it just gets a little deeper. I don’t so much collect paychecks anymore as much as I’m just sort of stacking sandbags against the tide, and if things keep going the way they have been, there's gonna come a point where even that's not really going to be enough anymore.

Sure, I would like to have all sorts of things for a holiday gift. I would love new guitar stuff or a laptop that doesn’t need rubber bands and string to hold it together. New furniture, hell even the normal crap dads get like socks and gift cards would be nice to have – but it’s way past nice here.

I need 20 grand.

The worst part is that I don’t have any other real way to get it. I don’t have anything I can borrow against. My credit rating is toast. I’m not related to anyone with that kind of juice, and even if I could borrow it I’d sink right back down trying to pay it back.

20 Grand gets this student loan monkey off my back and settles my revolving credit. The income that frees up is the only thing I have that I can use to make this life better, but every month I’m giving it away. I know this is my fault. I’ve made some bad choices and I haven’t always been the best money manager – but how the hell can I get off the ground to fix it if I’m constantly being held underwater?

I don’t have a five year plan. I have a 20 thousand dollar hole. You apparently give people cars wrapped in red bows and toss out diamond rings from Jared and Kay Jewelers to hapless suburban husbands like they’re candy.

You’re good for it, that much is clear.

Well then let’s make a deal. I won’t ask for a Lexus in my driveway and you can just cash me out. And for the next decade or so that you would have gotten me something, we’ll just say I’m covered. I’m willing to forego any number of gift cards to Home Depot for this one. I’ll take that hit.

Oh, I’M being selfish?

Really, Mr. Shows up Before Thanksgiving even happens and demands that everybody I know get up at the crack of 4 the day after Thanksgiving to buy a new refrigerator from Sears?

Seriously, do you know anyone who could actually do that?

You've got a whole culture warped into believing that getting anything on a certain day is proof of solvency. That if we all hustle and fight to get there first then everything is still cool. Well here's the real deal -- lots of us couldn't do it. Lots of us just sat there with our mouths on the floor not only wondering how a population that swears it's utterly broke still managed to show up and spend just for the sport of it -- but where in the hell they actually got the money to do it with!? And even if Black Friday was a huge success this year –- what were people beating each other up over, $2 Waffle Irons?

What am I supposed to do with one of those? Hawk it for 75 cents and send the change to American Express?

Santa, Bubby – I’m your White Knight. Do me this solid and I’ll jump right back on the materialistic train if that’s what you need. But right now I can’t even get into that train station, and I’m pretty sure I’m not alone with that.

Anyways, I’ll get out of your hair. Just give it some thought, ok?

[Listening to: Esthero - "Beautiful Lie" ]