It seems like I've been doing a lot of talking about how active I've been lately. Going to the gym in the afternoons, slam dancing all night -- it's possible some of you out there might be getting the idea that I'm a pretty energetic guy.
The way I see it, there are way too many people out there who spend way too much energy freaking out about everything. They run around like bugs doing as much of their stuff as they can and then they get all pissed off if they don't have enough hours in the day to live their own lives. And if that's what works for them I'm not going to tell them to stop -- but I just can't go there. Some things in this world don't have to be done right now, you know?
Like dishes, for example -- A lot of people I know apparently subscribe to some sort of "once I'm done using a plate, I make sure to wash it" theory -- which baffles me to no end. Why work after you already enjoyed a good meal? As for me -- I solved that problem in one easy step:
It's a simple matter of priorities -- what's more important to you -- putting a new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser, or putting the new one on the counter before curling up on the couch and taking a nap?
There are many variations on these depending on whom you ask and the type of shows they deal with, but in the end the same universal truths will come back time and time again. Even better, roadie rules can be surprisingly effective when applied to real life.
I used to work with this dude named Farrell. Big hulking sonofabitch who played bass in this band called "The Monsters." They never really gigged anywhere that I knew about, but if you ever went to his house they'd all somehow magically appear and you'd be treated to a concert, whether you wanted to hear one or not.
When you were working a stage call with Farrell, you were bookin'. He worked hard and he worked fast -- and if you weren't, you were definitely gonna hear about it. Farrell's favorite thing to say at gigs was "Shag Ass" -- as in:
And you’d be standing there half-pissed off and half stunned, saying things like “Dude, why would you do something like that!?”
Now you might be asking yourself how all of this is supposed to justify my dish laziness, seeing as I just told a story about working your ass of whenever you had something to do – to which I say -- read the lesson again, grasshopper. The job wasn’t doing the dishes, the job was eating the food, which I did -- with plenty of time left to spare.
Come back again next week when we’ll discover more secrets to making your life better using Roadie Rule #2:
And you would be very, very wrong.While I do have my moments -- in general I'm all about the lazy.
The way I see it, there are way too many people out there who spend way too much energy freaking out about everything. They run around like bugs doing as much of their stuff as they can and then they get all pissed off if they don't have enough hours in the day to live their own lives. And if that's what works for them I'm not going to tell them to stop -- but I just can't go there. Some things in this world don't have to be done right now, you know?
Like dishes, for example -- A lot of people I know apparently subscribe to some sort of "once I'm done using a plate, I make sure to wash it" theory -- which baffles me to no end. Why work after you already enjoyed a good meal? As for me -- I solved that problem in one easy step:
I bought more than one plate.When I'm done using a dish, I put it in the sink - and when I need another one I open up a nearby cabinet where I keep a handy-dandy supply of clean ones. No wasted energy, no getting distracted from the other things I need to do because I had to spend some unspecified amount of time cleaning up after myself or whatever. Then when the supply of clean plates in the cabinet runs low, I wash everything in the sink and start the whole process over again (unless of course I'm really hungry and don't want to wait -- which is why I always keep a healthy supply of measuring cups close at hand).
It's a simple matter of priorities -- what's more important to you -- putting a new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser, or putting the new one on the counter before curling up on the couch and taking a nap?
In my mind, the answer should be obvious.For many years I made a living as a roadie -- unloading and setting up stage sets, running sound and lighting equipment, stuff like that. And when you do that kind of work for any amount of time, you learn techniques that help you to accomplish the things you need to get done. I suppose that’s the same in any job out there -- but with roadie work where you’re dealing with a clear set of goals (unload stuff, set it up, run the show, break stuff down, load it back on the truck, party with the band, tell everyone the next day that so-and-so singer was 'kind of a dick') that are continually of shifting simply because you’re working with musicians -- it's been boiled down to a simple science known as the Roadie Rules.
There are many variations on these depending on whom you ask and the type of shows they deal with, but in the end the same universal truths will come back time and time again. Even better, roadie rules can be surprisingly effective when applied to real life.
Look, they put wheels on stuff for a reason. It might look impressive to see someone try to pick up a Leslie speaker by themselves, but we've only got 30 minutes to get set up before sound check -- so drop the friggin’ Hulk Hogan act already and push this thing over to stage left, ok? Roadie Rule #1 doesn’t mean that you don't work hard -- what it means is that you don't waste time trying to do shit you don't really need to bother with.Roadie Rule #1: Never carry anything you can roll.
I used to work with this dude named Farrell. Big hulking sonofabitch who played bass in this band called "The Monsters." They never really gigged anywhere that I knew about, but if you ever went to his house they'd all somehow magically appear and you'd be treated to a concert, whether you wanted to hear one or not.
When you were working a stage call with Farrell, you were bookin'. He worked hard and he worked fast -- and if you weren't, you were definitely gonna hear about it. Farrell's favorite thing to say at gigs was "Shag Ass" -- as in:
“Shag Ass – you’re falling behind!”Everything with Farrell was always go, go, go – and if you weren’t on your game it was really easy to get flustered and screw up. So what would happen is that the next gig you worked, you kinda did anything you could not to be paired with Farrell anymore, thinking that would be the best way to still get paid without working so hard. And for a while you’d feel pretty smart, lifting road cases, pushing things on stage, taking a second to talk to girls hovering around the stage. But there would always come this point where you were working on getting some piece of equipment into it’s right spot where Farrell would come up to you and say
“All right slack boy -- There’s only 30 minutes before sound check, time to shag ass!”
“Hey, in the hat – why are you just standing around like that? Shag Ass!!”
“So, how much more do you slack boys have to do?”And you’d tell him. Then he’d look at his watch, point into the crowd and ask “Gotcha. Hey is that cute blonde over there the one you were trying to get with earlier?” (It always would be) so you’d nod -- to which Farrell would always reply, “Cool, I’m gonna go get her number – see if she likes me better.”
And you’d be standing there half-pissed off and half stunned, saying things like “Dude, why would you do something like that!?”
To which he’d always call back as he was walking off,After that you always did everything you could to work with Farrell. And before too long you didn’t even need him there to tell you what to do and they’d start pairing you up with the noobs who didn't realize what they were supposed to be doing."Because I’m done, motherfucker!"
Now you might be asking yourself how all of this is supposed to justify my dish laziness, seeing as I just told a story about working your ass of whenever you had something to do – to which I say -- read the lesson again, grasshopper. The job wasn’t doing the dishes, the job was eating the food, which I did -- with plenty of time left to spare.
Come back again next week when we’ll discover more secrets to making your life better using Roadie Rule #2:
If you won’t put it in your mouth, don’t take it home and sleep with it.
[Listening to: Cibo Matto, "Spoon"]
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