Highway to the Savior Zone

Before we get going here, it's important that you know that I'm not really an anti-religious guy. Just because I don't choose to worship at any given church or synagogue doesn't mean that I can't recognize the value that faith plays in other people's lives. How it inspires, offers structure, and provides opportunities for gathering among people with similar values and beliefs.

What I take issue with is the way that some church leaders misuse the position they are given. The way that people wield the Bible as some sort of justification for their attempts to impose their ideas and morality onto others, and the way that this desire to control occasionally mixes unchecked with political and educational organizations in this country.

To me, freedom of religion means just that -- that people should have the right to worship whatever they want without fear of persecution or restriction, as long as it doesn't infringe upon the rights of others.

So just that we're all clear, I'm not in any shape or form cracking on this particular persons chosen faith.

That being said,                                                                       
What the hell is up with this picture!?
For those of you just joining us, this is the picture that inspired me to give my coworker Jesus Fish his secret nickname. Not because he's the kind of guy who would have one of those little fish-shaped decal things on the back of his car, but because hands down, this has got to be the most bizarre picture of the J-man that I've ever seen in my life.

First off, it's not that Willie Nelson Jesus we've all become familiar with in paintings and popular media -- it's some sort of creepy Kenny Loggins Jesus, one that seems a little too happy considering some of the things he's supposedly been through in his life.

But on top of all that -- what's the deal with the fishing boat? Everytime I see this painting sitting on Jesus Fish's desk (which is often, because I work with the guy a lot) it's everything I can do to not say something like,
"Umm, Why is Jesus on a shrimp boat?"
I mean -- does he need the work? Is it a hobby? Did he save the life of the boats captain in Vietnam and sorta feels like he owes the guy?

And what's with that thumbs-up smile? Is that really the sort of encouragement people are looking for from a savior these days? I mean honestly, is he telling me that all my sins are forgiven, or did he just eat a Mento?
Maybe he's answering a question.
But then again -- what sort of inquiry would bring a response like that from the son of God?
"Think we'll catch any fish today?"
"And the priest says, 'Five bucks, same as in town!"
"How about that Manny Ramirez trade, eh?"
"Hey Jesus, big date with Tina tonight -- Whoa, Cologne Alert!"
I swear, I'm not trying to be rude here -- but there's just something about this photo that kinda creeps me out. Maybe it's the Borat-like smile, or the idea of post-resurrection Jesus taking a day job, perhaps it has something to do with the fact that if you were to add a funny hat and a few dreadlocks to the guy it could easily be Johnny Depp, I don't know.
But one thing's for certain -- If Fonzie Jesus is really the way the kids are
getting down these days, I think I'll stick with Old Time Religion, knammsayin?

[Listening to:  Led Zepplin"The Crunge" ]


Cakes said…
Wow. I can't believe you actually did it. :)
Hex said…
Cakes -- I'm your huckleberry ;)
Heff said…
We seems to share similar religious beliefs, or a lack therof, as the case may be.

"Kenny Loggins Jesus" is rather disturbing, as is the music artist in general.
unMuse said…
maybe it's some sort of homage to "teach a man to fish.."? It's incredibly creepy.
I'm Frank said…
If that's what God really looks like, then all of a sudden the oddities of the world seem to make more sense.
Peanut Angel said…
Perhaps it's a reference to Matthew 4:19 "And he saith unto them, Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men."
But regardless, it's rather odd having that on a desk at work.....
Amanda said…
Maybe he was just hanging on the boat with Andrew and Simon and they snapped this shot and sold the hell out of it on ebay once they knew he was really gone. After the ascension of course.
Werdna said…
I know nothing about the Jesus fish.

But I do know the Crunge..

I wanna tell you bout my good friend
I ain't disclosing no names but--
He sure is a good friend and!
I ain't gonna tell you where he comes from, no!
If I tell you you wont come again! Hey!
I ain't gonna tell you nothin but I do will, but I know, yeah!


I'm just trying to find the bridge. Where's that confounded bridge?
Hex said…
Heff -- I've always hated "Footloose," but I didn't know I was going to hell for it.

Unmuse -- It looks like a promo for the new season of Deadliest Catch, except the guy's really underdressed for the weather.

Peanut -- I was thinking it might have something to do with that, but there's just no escaping that creepy uncle grin.

Amanda -- Tonight on Extra, friends of Jesus tell give us an exclusive "What it was like on the Boat" report -- but first, Celebrity Birthdays!!

Werdna -- If there's a bustle in yer hedgerow, don't be alarmed -- It's just a spring clean for the May Queen.