Jedi Career Trick

So earlier today I was catching up over at Oh Hell Nawl, laughing at the articles and scrolling down through the comments when I caught sight of this:
I apologize if it's hard to make out the details, but I wanted you all to get the full effect of what I saw, in all it's shrunken-down glory. In case you want to compare -- here's what the movie poster looks like blown up to its full size.
Now I'm no Photoshop expert, but unless Idris Elba is wearing a custom made black shirt and white suit jacket combo design that's been silk screened with an image of Hayden Christensen's face that just happens to be located in the exact same spot where the actual Hayden Christensen happens to be sitting -- someone needs get fired ass fired.

In fact, when you get a decent look at the full size poster, both Paul Walker's and TI's heads seem like they've been cut and pasted onto those bodies, begging the question -- Is this an actual movie, or just the newest in the long line of increasingly lame "elf-yourself" flash website jokes that tend to pop up a lot during the holidays?

Unfortunately, that question can easily be answered because once upon a time there was a bit of hype growing around this flick because it was supposed to mark the film debut of a rising star named of Chris Brown -- who hadn't quite gotten around to beating up Rhianna yet at the time this poster was being made.

As far as I can tell the movie's still scheduled to hit the screens in February, although it remains to be seen how the PR spin on the whole thing will be once they start hyping it for real somewhere around Christmas.
All that aside -- I have a few questions:
  1. Hey Anakin, whats with the hat?
  2. Is it actually fashionable these days to pair a black turtleneck sweater underneath a shirt and tie combo when wearing a suit jacket, because I gotta tell you Paul -- that looks really, really uncomfortable.
  3. Which one of you tough guys ordered the martini with the fifty olives in it? Would it kill you to put a napkin under the glass, like everyone else did?
  4. Matt Dillon is apparently the blackest guy in this movie, because you can't see him at all.
  5. No, seriously, Hayden -- the hat. What the fuck?
I wouldn't be surprised at all to find out that the film's director was Mark Hamill, or that it was originally supposed to be called Corvette Summer II -- but unless that's the case, what the hell is Hayden Christensen doing in this movie?
Seriously, is his whole role in the film gonna be two hours of this?
It's not like he needs the cash, his time in the Star Wars prequels took care of that -- but I find it hard to believe this was a pet project, or that he's the kind of guy TI would have on speed dial. But are we actually supposed to believe that Darth Vader's agent called him on the phone and actually pitched him for this gig?
And if so, how exactly did that conversation go?
Agent: Hayden, baby! Just got the script for your next picture. Looks like an urban retelling of The Godfather.
Christensen: Wow -- sounds great, what role do they want me for?
Agent: You'll be playing Spanky from the Little Rascals.
Christensen: ..
Agent: I smell Oscar!

[Listening to:  Bloodsimple - "Cruel World" ]

Comments

Monster said…
So, here's how it goes - John Luessenhop has directed exactly one other feature film, "Lockdown". Master P, a seasoned and much wiser version of the dude that showed up at the MTV studios to pinky-promise he was a famous rapper, had a role. Master P went on to co-star in the STELLAR not-quite-noir flick "Hollywood Homicide", alongside (or at least in a couple of scenes with) Harrison Ford. So Luessenhop is casting his magnum opus, as it were, and decides to make a few calls. Master P just happens to be chatting up Calista on the porch at the Ford place when his bejeweled Sidekick starts ringing. P has Calista ask Harrison to call Hayden.

It's all about who you know.
Anonymous said…
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Frank said…
"This looks shopped."
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