I won $12 in the Lottery!!
[Listening to: Kanye West, "Get 'Em High"]
It's not like Tagliabue calls plays or officiates games or anything. As far as I can see his only responsibilities are to talk to the media and hand the trophy to the team that wins the Super Bowl...Kinda like McDonalds when you think about it.
As a matter of fact, it seems like if that's all he really in charge of then there's a heck of a lot of room left for expansion when it comes to the things I could do to help out the league.Hell -- I could do that
For example, if elected commissioner I would gladly..But why stop there? -- The NFL is a media juggernaut, armed with hundreds of millionare employees and exemption from the government's anti-trust laws. Why not pool our resources to buy some fighter planes and tanks? You know -- generate a little pre-season excitement by invading non-NFL cities and declaring them conquered in the name of whatever team should be the first to secure the unconditional surrender of the local municipal governments?* Audition prosepective cheerleaders
* Suspend any player who puts out their own rap album
* Order all Cowboys fans under the age of 10 to kick Terrell Owens in the nuts
* Demand that all touchdowns be followed by celebration dances
* Legalize steroids "just to see what happens"
* Lock John Madden in a small room and force him to listen to his own inane rantings
* Banish Jake Plummer to the Phantom Zone.
References Available Upon Request.
This year Robbie Kenievel planned to jumpRobbie Kenievel is the son of world-famous daredevil Evel Kenievel, who made a name for himself in the late 60's and early 70's risking his life in larger than life stunts and motorcycle jumps. These days he's too old, so his son carries on the family name traveling across the country and jumping over things.
across the St. Johns River on a motorcyle.
But really -- where's the fun in that?You have to understand something here -- Robbie is going to pull this off. He's gonna make it. Cities wouldn't shell out the kind of money they did for this if they didn't think it was going to go right. Add to that the fact that he's got an entire team of planners and engineers working for him and it becomes clear that he'd never agree to do this thing unless he was 100% sure it was going to work. Things even went so far with this sort of thinking that on the day the jump was supposed happen he actually changed his mind and postponed it because of high winds and rough weather.
..Wuss.This whole thing annoys me, and I'll tell you why. See, I was a little kid during the early 70's -- the true heyday of Evel Kenievel's daredevil career. And if there's one thing I learned about Evel it's that he would have never backed out of a jump just because of a little wind.
..and dropped into the water like a golf ball.A lot of people think that Evel Kenievel is famous for the amazing motorcycle jumps that he pulled off -- But those people are wrong.
Evel Kenievel is world famous because of the jumps that he missed.Dude once told everybody he was gonna stand in one place and then jump over a motorcyle that was racing right towards him. Except when he tried he didn't jump high enough and the oncoming motorcycle hit him directly in the crotch and threw him fifteen feet through the air in the other direction.
Let me put this another way - imagine if Paris Hilton was actually good at something.But even more than that, the guy was marketed to little kids like he was some sort of superhero. His face was on cereal boxes. There were lunchboxes and toys and t-shirts and dirtbikes that all had his name on them. Kenievel used to make guest appearances on The Six-Million Dollar Man where he would save Steve Austin's bacon. Steve Austin was frikkin' bionic, and he needed help beating up bad guys from the man who actually holds the Guiness Record for having the most bones in his body broken at the same time!?...Now imagine every time she tried it she slipped and fell on her ass.
And sometimes you just need it to hold off a little longer.
..While I watch the tournament on TV
Distance Run: 15KThere's no denying the fact that I could have done a lot better at this years River Run, but considering that I hardly trained for it at all and only really lost about eight minutes off my time from the previous year, I feel like I did ok.
Overall Rank: 8454 (out of 10,198)
Gun Time: 2:12:34
Chip Time: 2:06:21
5K Split: 38:58:00
10K Split: 1:21:41
Pace per Mile: 13:55
This one was for you, moms.
But there's always another shadow.The following morning I was scheduled for an in-class observation by the principal of my school. It's something I've kinda been putting off, something I've dreading for a number of reasons, but at this very moment in time -- something I couldn't really avoid any longer. If it didn't get done Wednesday it wasn't going to get done at all, and it's one of those things that just can't be missed if you want to have any hope of keeping your job at all.
Always another clue to consider..
There would be no calling out of work tomorrow.The real problem I had with this observation was that for all intents and purposes I wasn't ready for it. I had a basic idea of the lesson I wanted to teach, but I hadn't put together any of the materials. But bigger than that was the fact that my boss and I suffer from an utter difference in philosophies when it comes to paperwork. He sees it as vital legal documents that should be kept pristine and orderly in case we're ever audited. I see them it more like ..paperwork.
...As long as I stayed awake.Fast-forward to many hours later, twilight's glow sifting in slowly through the blinds over my window. Despite being sick and having to stay up all night long to get it done, my lessons are all set up and my paperwork has not only been completed, but put together in such a way that it appears that I've been keeping up with it all along. I distinctly remember snuggling up against my pillow in satisfaction, knowing that I could probably catch a short cat-nap before the day started. I even remember the words that came from my lips, sleepy-voiced through a yawn -- "I'm so glad I finally got everything done."
"Oh shit -- No I didn't!!"