Wednesday, April 24

Gigantor

For ages and ages the screen resolution on my computer has been set at 800 x 600 pixels. No particular reason, it's just what was comfortable.

However, I just recently started working on a project thats required me to make the switch over to 1024 x 768.

A couple of minutes ago one of my coworkers came by to ask me about something -- and when I pointed at my screen to show them where it was, I couldn't help but blurt out:

    "Holy Crap! My hands are HUGE!!"


Vampites

I just got back from a meeting dealing with company retirement plans, 401k’s and such, and I swear to god it feels like I’ve had all of the blood sucked out of my system at once.

     Why does this stuff have to be so dull?

I know it’s important.. I know it’s my responsibility as breadwinner to take care of this stuff. I know it’s part of being a grown up…

     I know that five minutes into the thing, I was asleep.

The woman at the podium was pointed at a pie chart and said to the crowd, "A new car worth $20,000 now will cost $70,000 twenty years from now.. ARE YOU GOING TO BE READY?!"

And I’m sitting in the back thinking to myself, "Fuck off, does anyone know where I can get a good omlette?"

55 minutes later, someone was nudging me to wake up.

     and wouldn’t you know it.. still no eggs.


Hanging with Mike O’Leary.. no, the other one

For a while at school we had two Mike O'Leary's. One of them was a complete nutbar, and the other one.. well he wasn't exactly Elvis either, but I used to hang out with him sometimes before classes and after school.

To give you a timeframe reference, Mike O’Leary and I went to the movies and saw Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins together. The quote of the night from that particular outing was someone in the theater whispering,

     "You know, I don’t think that Chiun guy is really Asian at all.."

One of the things that made hanging with Mike fun was the fact that he had a computer. This was back in the day, and not many people did.

O’Leary had himself this Commodore 64 setup with a cassette tape drive. We literally spent hours on the thing playing games like Castle Wolfenstein and an Indiana Jones ripoff that I think was called "Aztec" (or something like that..)

            Did I mention that we were losers?

Anyways, the other game we spent a lot of time playing was a computerized version of "The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy," based off the novel by Douglas Adams. Hitchhiker’s Guide was one of those text-based games that asked you for direction, and then reacted to your prompts by telling you that it didn’t understand the words you were using.

     >Where am I?
     You’re in the bedroom.
     >Where are you?
     I don’t know the word "you"
     >Don’t you take that tone with me, buddy
     I don’t know the word "that"


            Silly as it sounds, this sort of
            thing used to entertain us for hours on end.


     Wanna Play?


Tuesday, April 23

…that part of me isn't here anymore

Hey Cinders, you’ve got us all a little worried. Come on out, let us know everything’s all right, k?



Monday, April 22

’Scuse Me While I Kiss this Guy…

There’s a regular Sunday evening reggae show on one of the local radio stations that I’ve been listening to a lot the past couple of weekends while cruising the beach.

Now I’m no expert when it comes to Caribbean accents, but they played this one dancehall number last night that I swear sounded like:

     "Jack off the world
     Jack off the world…"


It was a really catchy groove, but I've been going crazy all day trying to figure out what it was they were really singing...

Chances are I won’t figure it out anytime soon, though. I mean, it wasn’t that long ago that I realized Manfred Mann wasn’t saying:
    "Revved up like a douche, another runner in the night…"


Saturday, April 20

Gnarly Charlie's Got My Back

This morning on the phone I realized that the thing I love the most about Surf Reports is the unshakable optimism in the voices on the other end of the line...

The word for dawn patrol this morning:
    "6 to 12 inch unridable surf, but it's glassy!"


Frienemy

Weird week at work, not neccesarily bad - but one where that "what I do isnt what I want to do" feeling was at times so prevalent that it was hard to get anything done.

Some stuff got crossed off the list, but it could have been a lot more.

Went to a work-related party last night. Curren unexpectedly slept the whole time we were there, So I ended up getting to drink quite a bit more than I was originally planning to.

     Not a bad thing.

The thing I remember most was teddy bears with the Republican insignia on them (don't ask), making eyes at Kim, and someone else knowing about the existence of a drink they used to make over at the old Bukkets/Baha beach club called a Vulcan mind meld -- which is 151 mixed with Jagermeister...

     Back in the day when we did gigs there with Bad Habit
     or Pili Pili, they would occasionally pay us with those...

Anyways, maybe today will be slow. There's an Earth Day concert going on at a local college later - Maxi Priest, of all people. I'm hoping we can make that.


Friday, April 19

We are the goon squad and we're coming to town ...Beep-beep!

Sure, you’ve seen the Gomi Girl’s awesome takes on the latest in Ready to Wear.. but guurrll, don't you dare leave the hiz-ouse until you seen the latest in Ready to Wipe ...
    Honestly though, this whole site cracks me up, especially when dude's gettin' his groove on.


Wednesday, April 17

You can’t take me anywhere

Last weekend we stopped by Borders to pick up a couple of things. The cashier who rings up our items is this very attractive Goth girl who has worked there for as long as I can remember.

     Ears, lips, eyebrows, and assuredly many
     other things adorned with piercings.

She’s wearing this summer dress type thing that shows off a little cleavage in front, revealing the hint of some sort of artwork/tattoo/roadsign on her breasts.

It wasn’t like the style of tattoo you see when someone’s taken the liberty of writing a name on their boobs (which I assume is so they can remember who they are -- should they ever forget), or animal paws or whatever - this was like huge black brushstrokes in some sort of artistic patten. Either that, or they were the ears in a of full-size rendition of Mickey Mouse.

     Needless to say, I became a bit obsessed
     with figuring out the answer to this mystery.

In previous visits to the store she and I have made that sort of customer/cashier small talk (enough that she recognizes me when I'm in there), and she’s always been very friendly. But either the hieroglyphics are new (believe me, I would have noticed), or she’s just never dressed in a manner that would give away the fact that she’s walking around with a still life painting under her bra. Either way, it would be an easy assumption to make that if asked, she would readily explain what the deal is.

But we’re in a hurry, and I can’t think of a tactful way to phrase the question... so I just end up staring at her tits.


The Amazon.com Comedy Network

I was checking something out on Amazon, when one of the "user-created" lists and guides that clutter up the sidebars on the page caught my eye...

    *Be Open Minded and not Gay about music*
    A guide by relientk101: Opinion Writer, Player Hater,
    Manson Hater, Jedi Knight


.. damn midichlorians


Tuesday, April 9

You're living in your own private Jalalabad.. apparently

According to a new report, Congress has earmarked almost $300,000 to help a Missouri youth-outreach program combat "Goth Culture."

And while it’s slightly disturbing to realize that this is how much money it takes for our government to shut down three Hot Topic stores, the thing about all of this strikes me the funniest is the pitch that Republican representative Sam Graves threw at the Department of Education when he was asking for the funds.

Graves wants the money to, as he put it -- "..give the officers in the Youth Outreach Unit the tools they need to identify Goth culture leaders that are preying on our kids."

So let me see if I’ve got this straight -- Somewhere in the badlands of the "Show Me" state there’s an elusive "Goth Mastermind" that the authorities can’t seem to get their hands on?
    Osama bin Reznor?


Monday, April 8

Minimum Overdrive

Let me know if you need to borrow any paperclips ...because I really don't like the way mine have been looking at me lately.

    Thela hun ginjeet, man!
    Thela Hun Ginjeet!


Daydreaming Paint on the Road

A random wandering brought me across a sweet little reggae groove called "Amber" by usually annoying rap-rockers 311.

Say what you will about these pre-packaged one-trick ponies - sometimes their songs sneak up and grab the muscle in your neck that makes your head bob.

     Doesn’t mean that I won’t be sick of it by this afternoon.
     Doesn’t mean that Peter Tosh is no longer the toughest.

It just means that I had a particularly nice weekend, got a great email from my dog on the North Shore, and by chance happened across something that for me, at this particular moment, is providing the perfect soundtrack.

     311.. they're my UB40.



Friday, April 5

Actually Spoken During the Course of a Memorable Night

    "If you guys can’t play Bill Withers, you ain’t shit!"


Thursday, April 4

Cut the chatter, Red 2

The custodial crew in the office that I work at all have walkie-talkies … and I’m not really sure why.

I’m not talking about one of those plastic Radio Shack jobs with the red button that sends Morse code to your little brother -- I mean multi-band wireless communicators complete with the riot-police style CB-radio looking thing attached by Velcro to their shoulders.

I guess I could see where if a mess suddenly occurred, you’d want to get someone over there to clean it up quickly, but we’re talking about a crew of like 15-20 people here...

I mean, what on earth do they talk about?

    "Attention all units: 7-82 in progress near the West staircase."
    "I'm on it!"
    "Dammit Poncherelli, this is not your personal war!"


Wednesday, April 3

Cnidarians

The thing about television nature shows is that while you’re watching them, you find yourself thinking, "Wow, this is really fascinating stuff."

But then an hour later when the program is over, you find yourself saying out loud to no one in particular,

    "No it wasn’t."


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